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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22517458">Dark Side of the Moon</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/BWolf_20/pseuds/BWolf_20'>BWolf_20</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Walking Dead (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alexandria defeated, Attraction, Betrayal, Caught cheating, Cheating, Cheating Michonne, Developing Relationship, Emotions, F/M, Guilt, Kissing, Loss, Negan Being Negan (Walking Dead), Negan won, Non-Consensual Touching, Nudity, Partner Betrayal, Post-War, Saviors Member Carl Grimes, Sex, Touch-Starved, alternate outcome, emotional Negan, more tags may be added, poor rick, relationship troubles</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 10:40:55</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>39,803</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22517458</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/BWolf_20/pseuds/BWolf_20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Alexandria has been struggling under the thumb of the Saviors after a failed attempt to wage war against them. Some lost faith in Rick and left. The worst nail in the coffin was Carl following their lead. Desiring to save her family and repair Rick’s broken heart, Michonne tries to retrieve Carl, but the time she's forced to spend stuck at the Sanctuary leads her to fall for the monster destroying their lives. She knows she will become the last nail in the coffin for Rick and the rest of Alexandria.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Michonne/Negan (Walking Dead), Rick Grimes/Michonne</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>38</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>57</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>My reasoning for starting a Michonne/Negan fic stemmed from wanting an usual and dark pair. It started out as a mild fic, then said fic turned into a "Forbidden Love" series.<br/>This story isn't part of that series. I was recently inspired to create something separate from the series, and with an alternate story line departing from the aftermath of the Saviors war. I was inspired by "IntoTheFire" recent fic <em>Setting The Fires</em>.  I really wasn't sure when I'd write another Michonne/Negan fic, but the idea of doing one about cheating just stuck in my mind. On top of that, I had always planned on writing some kind of alternate TWD fic where Rick and his group were actually defeated by Negan after the war. Also, the matter of Carl in the case of this fic was yet another fic I wanted to write one day. So here, I was able to combine all ideas into one story.<br/>Keep the tags in mind!!! This fic drips with betrayal and a cheating Michonne!!!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Michonne gazed at her fellow people through the window. There was clear exhaustion and depression expressed on their faces as well as from the way they carried themselves. The soul of Alexandria had been sucked out of them all because of one man. She turned at the sound of a heavy body depositing itself in the living room chair.</p><p>Rick massaged his brow hard and ducked his head against his hand. Out of everyone, he was the most drained, and she hated it. The spirit and determination that he had exhibited, was practically gone, leaving him close to being a husk of his former self. It not only put a strain on the people who were looking to him for answers, it had put a frustrating damper on their relationship.</p><p>“Rick, do you want to get a way for a little bit?” she offered lightly, hoping to spark something, if only a little. </p><p>“Can’t,” came his tired tone. “Got some runs to plan. Negan’s coming at the end of this week remember?”</p><p>She crossed over to him and ran her fingers in a flirtatious manner across his shoulders, not yet ready to give up.</p><p>“We’ve got enough for this week’s offering. Everyone’s been breaking their backs. You most of all. You deserve a break...with me.”</p><p>She added a smile that should’ve clearly hinted to him at what she needed from him. God did she need the simple things from him, like a gentle squeeze on her hands and a long kiss on the lips. They’d been good at keeping the flames going during troubling times.</p><p>He didn’t catch the bait however. Instead he stiffened up and hunched over himself, pulling out of her reach as he sunk into the stress filled darkness of his own mind where it was just him alone trying to solve their problems.</p><p>“It’ll never been enough,” he groaned. “And I can’t afford to endanger my people like that again.”</p><p>The smile dropped from her face as she was pulled back into the cold reality. There was no time for anything else. What mattered was the people outside their house, struggling to hold onto their sanities as they worked overtime. She cared about their wellbeing of course. It was her duty to help secure them in any way that she could as she worked alongside her lover, but there had been days when she wanted to be a little selfish; where she wanted to make sure her family was still very much together.</p><p>She sighed heavily, tired of worrying about it all.</p><p>“Rick, we had to fight.” </p><p>She moved so she was standing before him, but Rick’s eyes seemed glazed, only capable of reflecting loss. She too felt it as she was reminded of bodies being strewn here and there, explosions going off, and people crying in pain. The war had gone wrong, and there was no one that felt more guilt for it than Rick. She had been proud when he realized they couldn’t keep serving the Saviors, and there had been a triumphant feeling coursing through them all when the other communities got on board. It appeared they were at last even with the number of men on Negan’s team, but the result was not favorable. Not only had they lost in the end, Negan had them working double time. If anything, she was grateful that the man hadn’t decided to slaughter Rick, yet she feared he could always change his mind about sparing him.</p><p>Rick gave no vocal reply to her comment. Instead he gave a tiny shake of the head which didn’t exactly tell her if he agreed with her or not. </p><p>“I, I know it’s bad now, but, I did say before that we need to—”</p><p>“No.”</p><p>He hadn’t said it in a sharp tone, but he might as well have as she flinched. </p><p>“Rick,” she tried softly.</p><p>He slowly raised his eyes to her. The reflection of loss was momentarily subsided for boldness.</p><p>“We can’t fight Michonne. Not like this. We’ve lost too many. We’ve lost…I’ve lost too much.”</p><p>He bowed his head after that, and she looked away, now thinking about the loss his grave voice was hinting at. She shut her eyes for a moment as a wave of pain rolled through her. Despite that, deep down, she didn’t believe all was lost.</p><p>“We can get Carl back,” she started carefully. “And once we do, we can make a plan of attack. We just, have to keep trying.”</p><p>Rick gave his biggest sigh and leaned back in the chair looking much worse at the mention of his son. He looked so hurt about it, she stepped forward to hold him. The feeling of him offered the tiniest of comforts to her. It was something she cherished greatly nowadays. </p><p>“Michonne,” he started to argue.</p><p>“You know I’m right. It can’t be impossible to defeat Negan.” She refused to share his pool of defeat. If she ever did, she couldn’t see herself climbing back out.</p><p>Rick was quiet for a long moment as he brought a hand up to his cheek.</p><p>“For now, it is. He’s got my son and…I don’t know what to do anymore.”</p><p>She crouched down before him and grabbed ahold of his arms, suddenly feeling a flicker of inspiration from his words.</p><p>“Just hold on with me. Please. If you do, I promise we can get out of this hell.” She paused as she readied herself before continuing. “We’ve failed to get Carl back before, but, I think if it’s just me, I can bring him back.”</p><p>His eyes widened for a few seconds before closing as he took in a deep breath.</p><p>“What makes you think it will be any different if you go alone?”</p><p>She thought carefully about how to respond without making the wound in his heart deeper.</p><p>“We were always pretty close, even before you and I became one. A one on one meeting between me and Carl might go smoother.”</p><p>“Michonne, it’s too dangerous for you to go alone.”</p><p>“I believe that’s the only way to handle this. It’s a method we haven’t tried before.” It had been an idea she had concocted after the first fail, but she never bothered to bring it to light since Rick had forbade anyone from traveling to the Sanctuary alone.</p><p>“I can’t…I can’t lose you too,” Rick whispered. </p><p>The tremble in his voice expressed clear fear of such a thing happening. She felt the same, but she feared it was already happening. Still, she was aware that he was referencing the danger Negan posed to her. Negan had explained that he would kill a woman if he thought they deserved it, even if he didn’t enjoy it as much as he enjoyed killing men.</p><p>“You won’t, lose me,” she promised. </p><p>With her fingers curled over his hand, she brought it up to her cheek. She gazed back into his eyes as he contemplated her words, and to her relief, his worry seemed to subside. But there was something else there as well. Something that made her believe he hadn’t just been talking about Negan. With the Saviors so heavy on his head, she was certain he had become blind to her needs. She understood it. The people needed him too, and he needed to pacify the community almost on a daily basis.</p><p>With her hand still holding his, he pulled the hand away from her cheek and planted a kiss atop her ebony skin.</p><p>“I know,” he answered sincerely. </p><p>The corners of his lips lifted slightly in a smile before falling flat again. And with that he released her hand and sunk back into the mindset of loss and Saviors. The small tender moment was gone. Michonne gave a quick smile before rising to her feet, feeling bitter at the quick end. Rick believed in her. He believed, despite the situation, that they would still pull through together. She wanted to believe that; she needed to believe that.</p><p> </p><p>She gazed down at her katanna which currently laid upon the bed she shared with Rick. Bringing a weapon to the Sanctuary would normally raise alarm bells. As Negan would have it, he preferred visitors showing up unarmed. The reasoning that they needed the weapons for defense against walkers usually went on deaf ears. <em>“You motherfuckers can use a stick to beat them back!”</em> The man had no real trust with them handling weapons, due to the obvious concern of a second war. Well it wasn’t like they were stocked to the brim with guns anyway. For that she was grateful that she had kept her sword well hidden.</p><p>After running her fingers over it a few times, she made up her mind. She picked it up and attached it to herself. The bastard didn’t scare her. If he wanted her sword, he would have to rip it from her cold fingers.</p><p>As she turned to the door, Rick was standing near with Judith in his arms. </p><p>“You shouldn’t take that,” he warned, with a clear reference to the sword.</p><p>“I need it for protection,” she practically growled. She hated how her blood easily boiled whenever she was reminded of him submitting to give up the guns. He’d fallen back hard to the first days of serving the Saviors where he had forced her to give up her hunting rifle.</p><p>“You think Negan will understand that?”</p><p>“It’s not a gun Rick. He should know I wouldn’t have a chance to kill him with guns pointed my way. I’m taking it.”</p><p>She walked forward with her eyes now on Judith. Leaning into her cheek, she pecked it with a soft kiss.</p><p>“I’ll see you soon sweetheart.”</p><p>The child giggled, thinking nothing of the possible danger ahead for her mother. Michonne felt happy for that at least. She shifted to Rick. The heat she felt at the suggestion to leave her weapon behind evaporated. The concern he felt about the idea was understandable.</p><p>“If things go sour, just, come back.” Rick swallowed hard and his eyes misted over before he continued. “If you have to give up on bringing Carl back…then do so. We’ll find another way together. It’s not worth getting killed on the spot.”</p><p>“I’ll be careful,” she said as she brushed her hand over his cheek. “And I have faith I’ll get him back, without dying for it to happen.”</p><p>Rick still looked uncertain, but Michonne didn’t find herself feeling the same. They leaned in for a parting kiss, but when they broke apart, her heart twisted at the strange awkwardness of it. She dropped her eyes as a bubble of shame rose within her.</p><p>“I’ll be back as quick as I can.”</p><p>With her katana the only source of defense she had, she walked out of the Grimes’s household with the hopes of bringing back another Grimes member.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Upon driving through the familiar fences of the Sanctuary, where piked walkers growled in want, she was reminded of Rick confronting Negan with the surprise of launching a war. His walker horde attack had been his most successful strike against the leader. After that, it had gone downhill.</p><p>Once she came to a stop, not far from the gate entrance, several gun-toting men hurried out of the building. The guns were raised as she remained seated inside, staring blankly back at them. It killed her that Negan still had a good number of men, who carried the same guns they’d stolen from them.</p><p>“GET OUT OF THE CAR WITH YOUR HANDS UP!” an angry looking bald Savior ordered.</p><p>She sighed, turned off the car, then opened the door. She raised her hands as she exited, while showing no sign of fear, only annoyance.</p><p>“Move toward us! Slowly!”</p><p>She followed the command as she imagined herself ripping through their bodies with her prized sword. It was enough to make a small, satisfied smile appear on her face. </p><p>“You know the drill,” the man said when she came to a stop. He eyed her darkly, clearly not liking the tiny sign of pleasure on her face. “On your knees.”</p><p>“There’s no need for that,” she said in a straight forward tone. “I didn’t come to hurt Negan.”</p><p>“Shut up. We’ll be the judge of that. Now get on your knees! Last warning.”</p><p>The sound of a few guns being cocked, ready to fire, did little to unnerve her. She supposed either Daryl’s bravery had been rubbing off on her, or she had just become accustomed of the threat of death one too many times. Just then the entrance door opened, and stepping out, body clad in his usual leather jacket with his infamous bat slung over his shoulder was the man himself, whistling his favorite Saviors tune.<br/>
Michonne locked eyes with him. The smile was completely gone as she put on an expression of boldness. Negan showed no sign of taking notice as he dropped the whistling in favor of grinning at her as he walked up behind his men.</p><p>“Well well well, what the fuck do we have here?” The man’s eyes dropped as he examined her form, slowly. She inwardly cringed as his eyes seemed to linger on her ass and chest. “A gift from Alexandria? Or did you finally wake the fuck up and realize this is the place to be, like some of your other people who wised the fuck up?”</p><p>She sucked in a deep breath before calmly addressing him.</p><p>“Neither. I need to speak with Carl.”</p><p>This garnered laughs from the men, except Negan. If anything his grin just widened as he removed the bat from his shoulder and rested it by his side. </p><p>“You don’t fucking say,” he said with a hint of humor in his voice. “Tell me, did you make an appointment? My soldier’s pretty busy these days. Working his way up fast to being one of my top guys, and I could not be fucking prouder.”</p><p>She barely resisted the urge to inform him that he wasn’t one of his soldiers, even if it was something of a lie. She wasn’t quite certain of the kind of life Carl was leading under the monster, but either way she knew it wasn’t good. Regardless she would never take him for being a Savior soldier. He was just a good kid belonging to her and Rick. The Sanctuary could never be his home.</p><p>“I can wait.” She refused to let it show that his words about Carl did irk her.</p><p>“What, you have a message from Rick the prick or something? If that’s the case, that sorry shit could’ve come himself. I’d respect him a hell of a lot more. What kind of man sends his woman to do shit for him?”</p><p>He took a step forward, and it was then that she read something predatory glinting in his eyes, particularly with the way they examined her body yet again. She resisted the urge to step back as he closed into her personal space. Anyone else might have cowered from the way his dark eyes gazed into hers, but Michonne held her ground, somehow finding it easy to take the way he was looking at her.</p><p>“Rick didn’t send me. I wanted to see Carl.”</p><p>“And Rick didn’t.” He shook his head as if disappointed. “Nice to know he doesn’t give a shit about his kid anymore. About time he accepted he was no longer his son. Sounds like I can officially adopt him as my own. As for you.” He took delight in running a finger under her chin. “I could always use another wife.”</p><p>She batted his finger away with a hiss.</p><p>“Not interested.”</p><p>“You can’t tell me that you’re still connected to that shit Rick Mi…what was your name again?”</p><p>“Michonne.” How she just wanted to run past him and find Carl. This whole conversation was such a waste of time, not to mention blood boiling.</p><p>“Michonne,” he repeated with an air of interest that implied something she didn’t want to think about. “That’s a beautiful name. Perfect for a new wife of mine to have.”</p><p>“Not…interested,” she said as firmly as possible. “I’m here for Carl. Nothing else.”</p><p>He dipped back making a noise that was a mix between a laugh and a groan of irritation.</p><p>“Well how about this. You consider staying for a while, and I promise to reunite you with your ex-kid. Now that’s the only way this is gonna go, unless it’s your goal is to become one of my dead men on a pike, guarding my big beautiful castle.” </p><p>Michonne shifted her eyes to the guard dog walkers on the fence as a flutter of nervousness hit her for the first time. There was nothing stopping Negan from doing that if she pissed him off too much.</p><p>“Now I really don’t want to do that,” he continued. “Not to that fine body and gorgeous face of yours. Nothing would kill me more than to see a beautiful and strong woman such as yourself deteriorate as an undead. You know how I feel about killing women, but if you leave me no choice, I just might have to live with it.”</p><p>She shut her eyes and dropped her head. In a way she wasn’t too surprised by the difficulty in getting to Carl. It was something she had to brace for. The alternative was sneaking it, but that was next to impossible now, after Sasha as well as the war. Getting caught was guaranteed since she would’ve had to try and search around for Carl in a place crawling with people.</p><p>“Why do you want me to stay a while?” she muttered, refusing to meet his eyes.</p><p>A gloved hand gently squeezed her shoulder, inspiring her to meet his eyes again.</p><p>“I want you to get a good look at this place, up close. See that it’s not as fucked up as you think it is. Get a goddamn reality check on how good your kid has it here, then your fine little ass will finally realize he’s better off. Hell, I can see you asking for a permanent stay yourself. I was goddamn generous enough to do it for the sorry souls that crawled up here from your camp looking for a real man to lead them, along with a chance at a luxurious life. So if you wanna chitchat with the one-eyed psychopath, this is your only shot, otherwise I suggest you get back in your car and fetch me another deer. I think the least you can do is pay me for the time I’m spending out here, though I’m not complaining. Talking to a fine woman is always a delight.”</p><p>Her fingers balled into fists, and there was just the slightest tremble of anger to her body. But she reminded herself that this was possibly the best scenario. Any other way or any other plan might have resulted in her death. Negan and his crew were extra cautious now. If she turned around for home, a few of his men would have to accompany her to ensure she got the deer, and to ensure that she went straight home afterwards. It would most certainly result in a week of the Savior guards babysitting the Alexandrians. That had been the case of her and Rick first coming to fetch their son and failing. It was not pleasant having the Saviors bunker down in the community. On a daily basis, people had been beaten for no other reason except to remind people of their new places. She didn’t want to revisit those days again.</p><p>“Alright,” she forced herself to say, in a shaky voice, “I’ll stay. For a week.”</p><p>“A month,” Negan confirmed. He tilted his head and narrowed his eyes to let her know it wasn’t negotiable.</p><p>“A month,” she reluctantly agreed.</p><p>He moved toward her, invading her personal space to the point where she could feel his hot breath on her neck. As he kept his eyes on hers, he reached an arm over her shoulder. Michonne tensed, sensing an unwanted touch was about to happen. Instead, she felt her beloved katana slipping away from her.</p><p>“Now that’s what I like to hear. And while you’re enjoying your stay, we’ll just keep this in a safe place.”</p><p>He turned to the bald man and handed off her only line of defense. She watched with a sinking heart as the Savior happily received it and did a few clumsy swings with it before walking away with it, whistling. She couldn’t help thinking she might not ever see it again.</p><p>“Now normally it pisses me off when one of you sons of bitches shows up here with something that could kill me, but since you are super-hot as hell, I’m giving you a pass. Now how about that?”</p><p>“You’re all heart,” she growled before taking the lead of walking toward the entrance of the Sanctuary. </p><p>She heard Negan chuckle behind her, but she wouldn’t give him so much as a backward glance. Her concern was now about how she would get the message to Rick. He would likely believe something terrible had happened to her if she stayed a whole month. It would be worth it if it meant she would be bringing Carl home. There was also the chance that she would be able to reach him rather quickly, and if so, he might be able to help them escape. </p><p>Either way it was a risk. She could barely imagine Negan taking kindly to Carl wanting to leave. </p><p> </p><p>Inside, Michonne was greeted with a floor of activity. People were moving here and there, receiving items from people at tables almost like a market. At other tables, various things were getting fabricated or fixed or cooked. Along the walls, curtains were hung up, sectioning off rooms for some of the residents. She supposed this is where the poorer side of the community lived as she recalled Negan going by a points system. </p><p>Before she could delve into searching for the familiar face among the crowd, Negan strolled up and curled his arm under hers.</p><p>“Sorry sweetheart, but all new arrivals get the same treatment of adjustment. Can’t have you wandering around until I know I can trust you.”</p><p>He turned her away from the floor and towards a hallway.</p><p>“When will that be?” she questioned sarcastically. </p><p>“Depends on how long you can be good for daddy,” he said in a lusty tone that repulsed her.</p><p>“I didn’t kill anyone when I showed up. That should earn me some trust,” Michonne replied simply, finding it somewhat easy to match his way of talking to a degree. The widened smile showed he was clearly delighted by her humor. </p><p>“It does. What earned you the most is that you didn’t kill me. I think I’m finally growing on you.”</p><p>She wanted to remark that he grew on her like some kind of life draining bacteria, but she didn’t want to further entertain him with quips. Her attention was shifted to Negan’s intended destination. It was a plain gray door. One of the men that had been following them took his place against it like a guard. When Negan opened it, she was greeted with an obvious cell.</p><p>“I’m an inmate now?”</p><p>“Only for a little while. But if you really don’t like it, you are definitely free to share my bedroom.”</p><p>There was a mischievous glint in his eyes, and it didn’t take a telepath to know he had particular dirty thoughts about her running through his mind. She wrenched her arm from his hold and walked inside the cell for her answer. </p><p>“Fair enough,” he said with a little shrug. “We’re not married, and we don’t know each other that well, yet. The bedroom’s a big step. We’ll start small and work our way up to it.”</p><p>“I already told you I’m not here to be one of your wives, I’m here for Carl.” How many times would she have to explain it before he comprehended it?</p><p>“And I told you I’d reunite you, once I know I can trust you, and once I know you’re willing to give this place a chance for a month. And by that, I don’t only mean the Sanctuary itself. I mean me.” His expression shifted then to something that didn’t read as obnoxiously playful. For once his features softened into a man that appeared sincere. “I’m hoping you’ll realize you can trust me. Realize I’m not as much of an asshole as you figure I am. Afterall, I didn’t go around exterminating your people after so many of them tried to kill me and my people during the war. I forgave, and I gave your people a second chance, including sorry-ass Rick who didn’t deserve it. Not only that, I opened my doors to anyone who needed a home under a leader who still had balls, and I’m talking big, beautiful, balls of steel! So why don’t you keep that in mind Michonne. Help you consider your best options going forward.”</p><p>After that, he shut the door, leaving her in darkness. She huffed as Negan’s chuckle reached her ears before settling against a wall with a sigh. It didn’t matter how Negan tried to sell himself or the Sanctuary to her. She was only here for one thing. However, she did feel an inkling of fear at Negan’s words. If things were horrible at the Sanctuary, she couldn’t see Carl staying. The same went for the Alexandrians that had decided to make this place their home. Either things really weren’t as bad as she assumed, or Negan was just continuing to be the asshole that fully believed he was right about the way he handled things.<br/>
She preferred to find out that her people and Carl were just being held captive as opposed to finding out there was some truth to Negan’s claims. The thought of the Sanctuary being a preferable home to Alexandria scared the hell out of her.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Negan gets Michonne settled in. Staring off small</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The screech of the door opening roused her out of a not so comfortable sleep. Like a cat she had curled up on a thin mat in the corner, falling asleep after wondering how she was going to make it a whole month if she wasn’t able to slip out with Carl before then.</p><p>“Rise and shine sweetheart.”</p><p>She groaned at the jovial sound of his voice as she unwound herself and rose. But then her nose gave a wiggle of interest at the delicious smell of hot food. Looking up, she saw that Negan had a tray in his hands, complete with a mug of hot coffee. Grinning, he stepped into the cell and set the tray down next to her. Her stomach grumbled in want at the sight of a fluffy stack of pancakes, scrambled eggs, and toast. Sitting beside the plate on the tray was a single pink rose which she could’ve did without.</p><p>“Now when’s the last time that sorry son of a bitch of yours gave you breakfast in bed?” he asked as he crouched down next to her.</p><p>In truth she only remembered him doing so once, back when they had just formed a relationship. It wasn’t something she desired often. It had just been a cute gesture.</p><p>“Don’t you mean breakfast in a cell?” she corrected bitterly. She refused to show interest in the food.</p><p>“I did offer up my bedroom, and you know what, it’s not too late.”</p><p>“Nice try,” Michonne stated with a smirk of annoyance. </p><p>“It’s not about trying anything baby doll, it’s about knowing you’re comfortable.”</p><p>“I’ll be a lot more comfortable when I’m out of here,” she snapped back.</p><p>He gave a soft chuckle as if he wasn’t surprised by her comment that came out more like a demand.</p><p>“You know, I was thinking the same thing when I came down here. I want you to experience the goodness of this place, and me, and you can’t very well do that stuck in a cell, even though we’re still building trust.”<br/>Michonne quirked an eyebrow at him. </p><p>“I hope that means what I think you’re saying.”</p><p>His grin widened even more, and he rested a hand on her shoulder and squeezed gently. </p><p>“It sure does sweetheart. I’d like you to join me in our cafeteria. Beats the hell out of eating in a cold cell.”</p><p>He did have a point there, but more than that, she would have an opportunity to seek out Carl. She had no idea how long Negan would intend for her to stay in the small gray room, but for now, he was giving her a chance to escape for a little while. The downside was that she’d have to eat with him. </p><p>“What’s it gonna be baby?”</p><p>Michonne sighed heavily.</p><p>“Fine. I’ll join you. But it doesn’t mean anything.” She wanted to make it clear up front that he would be wasting his time if he thought this was a good step at getting her on the path of marrying him. This wasn’t a date.</p><p>“Now that, is a wise-ass choice,” Negan cheered as he jumped to his feet. “Those trust points are gonna skyrocket in no time.”</p><p> </p><p>The cafeteria was set up with at least six picnic tables not too far from the kitchen. The scent of continuously cooking food wafted through the air, making her feel somewhat comforted as she dug into her meal. The buttery fluffiness of the pancakes was almost enough to wash away the feeling of being exposed. Though the room wasn’t crowded, she couldn’t help feeling light a deer caught in the open. She could feel glances being turned on her as well as hear the chatter about her arrival. Once or twice she looked across the table and caught the gaze of an ex-Alexandrian. Said person quickly turned away, clearly ashamed to be in her presence and catch judgement for their choice to leave. She gave said person no smile and turned back to her food, wanting to ignore everything except the person she was there for.</p><p>“Good isn’t it?” Negan interrupted. He sat across from her, delighting in watching her eat. “Nothing like the shit you get in Alexandria.”</p><p>“You would know,” she snapped back before taking a sip of coffee. “Your people are still taking from ours. That includes good quality food items.”</p><p>Negan just shrugged off her comment as her comment meant nothing, before continuing with his own breakfast which was similar to hers. </p><p>“The deal will always stand that Alexandria gives up half of their shit. After your boyfriend’s genius plan of waging war, the only shit he and those bastards deserve is actual shit. You’re lucky I don’t make you people go without food for a week.”</p><p>“You never would,” she growled bitterly. “You need us to keep working, and we can’t if we’re weak.”</p><p>At that, Negan reached for her hand and gave it a light squeeze. When she looked into his eyes, they seemed to soften.</p><p>“That doesn’t have to be your lot in life if you move up here.”</p><p>“Don’t people still have to work for points,” she reminded him.</p><p>“Being the generous guy I am, I’d let you bypass that system, in one particular way.”</p><p>He shot her a toothy grin, prompting her to sneer. </p><p>“Don’t you ever stop?” she asked, exhausted by him already as she went for a forkful of eggs.</p><p>“Nope.”</p><p>Her shoulders sagged in annoyance as she wondered yet again how she was going to make it so long with him. She shifted her gaze around the room, specifically toward the doors, hoping to catch wind of Carl possibly entering for breakfast. Her fingers tightened around her fork in fear of not catching him for a while, and if that ended up being the case, then she could very well see herself sticking around for a month. That thought made her heart twist for Rick. Had he been waiting up for her, expecting her to have already succeeded with her task? She could see him doing so easily.</p><p>She cleared her throat before addressing Negan on the matter.</p><p>“Speaking of Alexandria. Rick needs to know you haven’t captured me.”</p><p>“Rick doesn’t need to know shit,” he countered. </p><p> “The last thing you want is for him to come up here, wondering where I am.”</p><p>“Maybe it’s the first thing I want.” It wasn’t a response she expected. Then she realized she should have, being that Negan did like to push Rick’s buttons hard. “Hasn’t been too exciting around here lately, so a visit from the prick could liven things up. Or, you could do that for me.”</p><p>Michonne huffed and focused on eating. There was little point in engaging with the man further, and she certainly didn’t want to lose her breakfast over it from feeling sick. </p><p> </p><p>For the rest of the week, it became a routine of Negan bringing her breakfast and offering up the chance to dine outside the cell. It was the only time he allowed it. When it came to lunch and dinner time, the bastard didn’t bother to fetch her. She wasn’t certain why, but it wasn’t something she complained about as dining with him one time a day was the most she could handle. A few times she had thought about refusing to leave, but she never wanted to skip out on the chance of a moment of freedom. So she gritted her teeth and bared the breakfasts. The food was always good, even if Negan’s company wasn’t, but together it was bearable.</p><p>Michonne rolled over on her side as she found herself wondering how she would earn the trust Negan was looking for. So far he’d given her nothing except romantic hints that she’d become tired of denouncing vocally. She always considered herself a patient person, but she could feel it wearing thin. How much longer would she have to wait before she was able to freely meet with Carl? How much longer would Rick have to wait for them?</p><p>As he wafted to the front of her mind, her lip trembled. The time she spent apart from him so far hadn’t been torturous, yet she wanted it to feel that way. She needed the feeling that confirmed that it was still possible to repair what had been crumbling between them. Maybe it was the fact that Negan was hitting on her all the time. As she thought back to breakfast that morning, his compliment about her face being a beautiful sight to wake up to along with the soft smile, made her wrack her brain for the last time Rick had tossed such emotions her way. After the war, that side of him had sadly shut down. She twisted uncomfortably as she found herself wishing that side of Negan would rub off on Rick just a little whenever they interacted during deliveries.</p><p>The sound of the door opening took her from her thoughts. She pulled herself up to a sitting position. She figured it had to be a guard, checking to see if she needed a bathroom break. Even if she had to be a prisoner, she was at least happy Negan didn’t make her go in a bucket. However it wasn’t a guard, but Negan himself, posing against the doorframe, smiling.</p><p>“Well, this is new,” she commented.</p><p>Negan gave a nod of agreement.</p><p>“That’s because it’s time for something new now sweetheart.” He strolled in and leaned against a wall closest to her. After that, he put on his biggest smile. “I am so very fucking happy to say, that you have finally earned enough trust to step outside this cell.”</p><p>Her first thought was that he had somehow read her worries about earning trust. The feeling quickly shifted to confusion.</p><p>“How? I haven’t done anything.”</p><p>Negan gave a soft chuckle as if he found it amusing that she hadn’t caught on.</p><p>“Why just saying yes to a goddamn glorious meal every morning with me is enough of a start. You could have easily said “no” anytime, hell every time, but you were willing to put your cold feelings aside and start giving me a little stretch of a chance. I appreciate the fuck out of that shit, which is why I’m extending the same curtesy. So for that, you are officially handed the title of my guest. Now how about that.”</p><p>She wasn’t sure she trusted his words. It just seemed too simple of a way to get on his good side, but he had mentioned it was a start. And if he really intended to let her wander about his Sanctuary, then she had to show her appreciation. It was for Carl’s sake afterall. She forced a smile onto her lips as she looked him in the eyes.</p><p>“Thank you.”</p><p>“You are so very fucking welcome,” he replied with a toothy grin. “I know this is just the start of you being able to open up your eyes to this place, and me. And I’m sure Carl will be a great help in opening them up.”</p><p>Michonne expressed nothing to his comment, yet inside she was disturbed by the idea of Carl claiming some defense for life under Negan.</p>
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<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When she was granted the chance to step out of that cell, her first thought went to Rick. Negan hadn’t been willing to let him know what was happening, and she couldn’t help fearing that he would show up to find out. She didn’t want to picture him nervously walking up to the fence, questioning Negan about her whereabouts. It was easy to think that Negan would laugh before having his men shoot him on the spot, but she didn’t believe that would happen. Negan wanted Rick to stay in charge of her broken people. He wanted her lover to keep them in line. There was a sense of humiliation about it. Rick had broken and served Negan in the beginning, then he fought, and now he was back to being a broken servant again. </p><p>Michonne shut her eyes as she recalled the eyes that looked at Rick with offense. He hadn’t pushed them to fight to the very end. Instead, he had reverted them back to where they started, and that was something Negan enjoyed. She could almost see it being a reason why an Alexandrian or two would jump ship to Negan’s side. Negan wasn’t one to back down or break. That had been seen clearly during the war. The people that had bailed wanted that side of Negan to be within Rick. Hell, she wanted it, but she understood that the loss was too great and he just couldn’t risk anymore lives.</p><p>She turned to Negan who was currently holding the door open and bringing out his arm in an ‘after you’ kind of gesture. She gave a mild sigh before moving. It was the next day, which meant she was finally allowed to start her mission, provided that Negan didn’t tie her down with any surprises.</p><p>“Are you gonna list off the rules now?” she asked in a tone of clear sarcasm as she folded her arms.</p><p>She mildly scolded herself for talking in such a way as Negan was always entertained by it.</p><p>“I think you’re old enough and smart enough to know what’ll happen if you do the obvious wrong things here. But, if you fuck up, I’ll just have you stand in a corner until you think about what you did.”</p><p>“One screw up and I’m a child in your eyes.”</p><p>“Oh, you could never be a child in my eyes,” he answered softly as he dropped a hand over his heart. “All I see is a fine woman, through and through.”</p><p>Michonne just rolled her eyes.</p><p>“I know what you see, through and through considering how many wives you’ve collected.”</p><p>At that the smile faltered, and there was something about his gaze that made her think he was truly looking at her. In all the time she’d been present at the Sanctuary, and even a few times before that, she recognized the eyes of a man solely interested in her body and nothing else. It was different now, and she couldn’t properly place it.</p><p>“Honey, those dolls help bite back the loneliness.” His voice was slower and slightly solemn, and she found it hard not to pay attention. “I missed having a wife…and I may have decided along the way, that I needed more than one. The world went to shit, so why the hell not have a bunch of lovely ladies waiting on me. I lose one…well, there’s always more.” He gave a little shrug, and when his brows furrowed briefly, she felt confused. “Guess I forgot how special one can be. Sherry was pretty close to being that special one. Not anymore though.”</p><p>She didn’t at all like his potential attempt to get her to commit to being a wife.</p><p>“Negan, I already told you, I’m not—”</p><p>“As I said yesterday,” he suddenly interrupted, “you’re now a guest, so you have free reign of the facility. Just don’t get into any trouble. My men have a sharp eye. They’re always, watching.”</p><p>The sudden turn from him sounding soft and possibly regretful to sharp and even chilling with his last words was something that irked her, in a strange way. Negan wasn’t supposed to have another side to his person. He was twisted and forceful. That little snippet of possibly humanness wasn’t supposed to be there. But it was gone as he turned and walked away from her, leaving her unsure of how to take what he’d just given her. </p><p> </p><p>As she walked the layout of the Sanctuary, she didn’t see clear signs of misery. People looked well fed and just as well-groomed as those back in Alexandria. She scrunched her nose in minor disgust, knowing that the reason they were experiencing such a luxury was because they were still stealing from the other communities. When she noticed some of her own enjoying the benefits of their home from long ago, she wasn’t sure how to feel about it. </p><p>When she stepped outside, the uncertainty went away, replaced by relief as well as joy upon seeing Carl at last. He was standing among a group of Saviors who were currently emptying a truck of their weekly haul of supplies from one of the communities. A minute later, Carl was climbing into the truck and…assisting.</p><p>She tensed up at the sight of him helping, but willed herself to start walking toward him. She didn’t know when she’d get another opportunity to see him. One of the Saviors took notice of her and whistled in a flirty manner. Michonne just gave him a stony expression before focusing on her boy.</p><p>“Carl.”</p><p>He looked up from his current task of handing a box to one of the men. He didn’t appear surprised to see her; if anything, he was caught off guard by her presence during his work.</p><p>“Michonne,” he replied simply. </p><p>She stepped forward and took a minute to take him in. Since coming to the Sanctuary, Negan had given him an actual eyepatch which was black like the shirt he was sporting. His jeans were ripped in random places, adding to an overall roughed-up tough guy look. That, added with his firm demeanor made him look like he came from the Sanctuary, and even Negan himself. It chilled her to the bone.</p><p>“Can we, talk?”</p><p>“You got something to say to C, you can fucking say it in front of all of us,” one of the men snapped. Michonne didn’t acknowledge him at all. She kept her eyes firmly on Carl, willing him to give her another chance. </p><p>Carl shot the man a warning look before hopping down from the truck.</p><p>“It’s gotta be quick. I’ve got another round to make after we unload.”</p><p>The idea of hearing that he was part of the Savior pick-ups made her stomach drop in a sickening way, but she chose to say nothing about it while in the presence of so many Saviors, some of whom were chuckling and making teasing comments from her request. She held her tongue and kept her face emotionless as she followed Carl and thought about what she would say. Now that she had finally gotten her chance to see him, she felt almost at a loss. The confidence she’d had about the mission as a whole had diminished just a bit.</p><p>Carl led her around a side of the building that was free of passerby. Once there, he leaned against the wall with his arms folded and looked at her.</p><p>“So, dad didn’t come with you this time,” he pointed out. </p><p>She couldn’t fully read how he felt about that, but she got the feeling that he was a little sour about it, yet not surprised.</p><p>“He wanted to. I thought it would be better if I came alone.”</p><p>“It wouldn’t change a damn thing.”</p><p>“Carl,” she exclaimed urgently as she quickly stepped closer to him. The tension was starting to rise within her, and she hated it. “Please. I know we didn’t get anywhere last time, but that was because your father and I were caught off guard by your decision to stay here. There was more yelling than anything and, I don’t want that to be the case this time.”</p><p>“I haven’t changed my mind Michonne.” He sounded firm and sure, but she wasn’t ready to drop it.</p><p>“I can tell. You seem, comfortable here.”</p><p>“Then I guess you wasted a trip.”</p><p>He pulled away from the wall, intending to return back to work. Michonne automatically grabbed his arm to stop him.</p><p>“Wait. Can you at least, explain to me why you’d rather stay under that bastard? I understand the effects the war had on you, on everyone. The people we lost hit hard, I know. But I still can’t understand why you would join him. Why? Your family’s in Alexandria, not here.”</p><p>Carl wasn’t looking at her as she spoke, and up until then he had allowed her to hold onto his arm. After her words, his shifted and pulled his arm out of her reach.</p><p>“My family is here now Michonne. And in case you haven’t noticed, I wasn’t the only one that left Alexandria.”</p><p>The sharpness of his eyes, and the coldness of his tone had her eyes moistening. </p><p>“Why Carl?” she whispered. “After everything Negan has done to us?”</p><p>As he dropped his head, his expression softened, as if he had grasped why she was so concerned about his choice.</p><p>“I know how it looks to you, and dad. It’s hard to explain unless you’re here.” He lifted his head and turned his eyes up to the Sanctuary walls. “When I first came here, intending to kill him, I saw a side of Negan that, kinda impressed me. He wasn’t just a lunatic. He was someone that knew how to keep order and wanted to make sure his people survived. Dad’s like that too, or was. The war shattered him. It was like living with a ghost. A ghost that was more intent on treating me like a child and encouraging me to keep my head down.”</p><p>“He needed you to be safe,” Michonee argued in defense. “We lost a lot. He couldn’t lose you too.”</p><p>“He wasn’t going to lose me,” Carl answered forcefully. “I offered another way of dealing with Negan, but after the fight, dad just gave up. Fighting wouldn’t work. I thought it’d be better if there was some kind of compromise, between all of us. I came here hoping to get Negan to see that, but overtime, I started respecting him more. I started looking at him as the person I wanted my dad to continue to be. So I stayed.”<br/>
</p>
<p>“And became a Savior,” Michonne said with an air of disgust.</p><p>“It’s not as bad as you think Michonne,” he said with a shrug. “As long as people follow the rules, no one has to get hurt.”</p><p>Her wet eyes finally gave way to a tear or two falling down her cheeks. She wiped it away and averted her eyes for a second. </p><p>“Why didn’t you tell us those things when your father and I first came?”</p><p>The kid sighed heavily and gave a shake of the head.</p><p>“I didn’t want to hurt him more. And besides that, it just wasn’t the same between us anymore. Nothing was the same. I felt like the dead, living in a dead community. Negan brought me back to life. He gave me a way to contribute to the people living here, and he encourages me to stay strong. I hate to say it Michonne but, the dad I knew died that day, and I don’t see him coming back. I think you see it too.”</p><p>Something struck her heart upon hearing such an accusation. Something that made her tense as if she had realized she’d been caught in a lie. She stared back at Carl as she wracked her brain to recall the signs that Rick’s relationship had also been suffering with his son. She had to admit there were moments, like when the silence between them became a little too lengthy, or when Carl would disappear in  his room or off on his own for long periods of time. Despite those moments, she was hopeful that things would go back to the way they were. Rick had never brought up his concerns about it. He had always claimed that he still needed time to process their current way of life. After hearing Carl, she understood that it was all just denial.</p><p>She dropped her head and shut her eyes, hating the little voice that was telling her that Carl was right. She had seen it, but she hadn’t wanted to, so she would pretend that nothing had changed except for the fact that Negan had inserted himself back into their lives. That got her to wondering if Carl had noticed that her relationship had been suffering with his father as well before she even knew. It didn’t sit right with her at all.</p><p>“Carl,” she started, not sure of what she wanted to say next.</p><p>He laid a hand on her shoulder and squeezed it gently.</p><p>“How’s Judith?”</p><p>A small smile graced her face from the confirmation that Carl still cared for her even though he now led a different life.</p><p>“She’s good. You need to visit her.”</p><p>“I plan to. Next run to Alexandria, I’m going.”</p><p>That brought her back to the reality of what he was doing, and her stomach churned sickeningly again.</p><p>“Carl, please, just—”</p><p>“I’m not going back, but, I hope you’ll stick around for while. Maybe you’ll get what I’m talking about.”</p><p>He gave her a smile before walking back to his current chore. She watched him go, feeling as though she had failed his father. Still, Carl had given her an obvious clue about his reason for staying, and it was the one thing she and Rick had never tackled when they had tried to get him back. </p><p>Michonne turned and looked up at the windows of the Sanctuary as she realized she would possibly have more success in getting Carl back, if she talked to the man that had come to replace his dad.</p>
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<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>After the talk with Carl, Michonne had settled herself at a table overlooking the Sanctuary’s growing garden, rolling over his reasoning. It was something she couldn’t imagine saying to Rick without damaging him further. No father would want to hear that their son had lost so much respect and trust in them. If she wasn’t able to find a way to change his heart on the matter, she would be faced with either explaining to Rick how his son felt, or skirting around the details. Carl had given them nothing the first time they tried taking him, and it hadn’t helped that Negan had been nearby enjoying the show. Carl had simply summed up his feelings by telling them that home wasn’t home anymore, and that he was more concerned about helping the Alexandrians that had chosen to stay with Negan. </p><p>As if he had somehow heard her thoughts, Negan strolled into view across the garden. He moved with a near skip in his step as he whistled a happy tune that for once wasn’t the Savior’s theme song. It was the polar opposite of the way Rick walked nowadays. It would be clear to anyone how he was handling things as his gait was slower and more careful. The shoulders had sagged and the muscles in his body often twitched or tensed when faced with a potential issue with the people. Negan held himself up to the skies. His broad shoulders were raised and his easy steps exhibited confidence. He seemed larger than life in a way, and his people agreed as those wandering near dropped down to one knee with their heads slightly bowed.</p><p>The action didn’t surprise her. She knew about Negan’s need for his people to kneel down before him as though he were some kind of king. It was absurd, and seeing it in person just repulsed her. She was almost glad that it did as she wasn’t fond of comparing Negan’s stride to Rick’s. In fact, she was getting tired of unconsciously comparing them for everything so far. She could understand why she did it, yet at the same time, she wasn’t sure. Things didn’t seem to be that bad in her relationship with Rick. She still loved him, and she still hated Negan. Just because she wanted Rick to revert back to his fierce and confident self, didn’t mean she wanted him to be like Negan.</p><p>She got to her feet, sighing as she wasn’t looking forward to dealing with the bastard. But the sooner she did it, the sooner she and Carl were out of his hair.</p><p> </p><p>Michonne gave a gentle knock on the door to his supposed office as her stomach did somersaults. </p><p>“Come in, unless you’re about to piss me off,” came the voice on the other side.</p><p>She shut her eyes and took a moment to just regain control of herself. Negan didn’t scare her afterall. What scared her was failing in what she deemed as a last chance for success.</p><p>She pushed the door open gently. Negan was currently focusing on some papers along with a map at the head of the long table. Her eyes momentarily drifted to the corner of the room behind him where Lucille was propped up, ready to go should the man need to bludgeon someone. Upon looking up, he smiled widely.</p><p>“Well if it isn’t my favorite person in the whole wide fucking world. Come to discuss living arrangements at last? I knew you wouldn’t be disappointed in this place.”</p><p>Michonne stepped forward and paused behind a chair that wasn’t close to him. </p><p>“Actually, I thought we might discuss, Carl.”</p><p>The wide grin altered into a patient smile, but she didn’t get the impression that she was risking angering him. He motioned at the chair that her fingers were currently gripping into. </p><p>“Have a seat.” He waited until she did so before leaning forward in his seat and appearing quite attentive. “I take it you’d like to accuse me of brainwashing that kid into sticking by my side. That’s the kind of shit Rick would think, but I can imagine you following along the same lines. Now how fucking right am I about that?”</p><p>“I’d say you were on the nose,” Michonne answered with a hint of iciness. “He told me why he wanted to stay. To a degree, I understand, but I believe a large part of it, comes down to you.” Negan gave a soft chuckle as if she had just told a nice little joke. “I have no doubt you’ve encouraged him to think highly of yourself, and this place. I bet you threw Rick in the dirt every chance you got.”</p><p>“Come on now, a guy insults a kid’s father, said kid usually tries to beat his ass.”</p><p>“With the way Carl was feeling, after everything, I don’t think it would be hard to mold his heart against his family. He may not be a child anymore, but that doesn’t mean he’s not vulnerable.”</p><p>Negan dropped his head and gave a slight shake as if he couldn’t believe the accusation.</p><p>“I know you might find this hard to believe, but butting that kid against his dad wasn’t my goal. My only interest was his health, and safety. I offered up both, gave the kid my respect, and allowed him to establish himself as a fine worker. Now that was shit he wasn’t getting back home, and I’d be damned if I didn’t pull the kid under my wing since Rick the prick proved to be such a shameful failure as a father. Hell, I’m thinking I’ll have to snatch up his little sister as well, that is, if she’s still alive.”</p><p>His words shot her to her boiling point in an instant. She was on her feet, slamming her palms down hard against the table before he could even blink.</p><p>“<em>Shut your damn mouth!</em> You don’t understand a goddamn thing about Rick! Not one thing! Everything Rick has ever done was for the sake of his children. It was for the sake of building a better world, for them. What right do you have to call him a bad father?”</p><p>“Oh I’m sorry,” he said with a tone of sarcasm as he straightened himself in his chair, “have you not been paying attention to your own boyfriend after all this time? Cause I sure as hell have. He may still be breathing after he was dumb enough to grow another pair of balls, but that doesn’t mean he’s all there. With the state he’s in, I’m surprised a light gust of wind hasn’t knocked him over yet. Alexandria’s barely holding it together. Even from the generous donations they give, there’s no reason they should be scraping just to get by. The people that come here from your town have made it clear that food was becoming scarce. That their big badass leader puts more stock into scavenging supplies for my people than his. Now, don’t think that I don’t appreciate that shit. He’s following the rules afterall to keep me from eviscerating his community. But I don’t remember telling him not to provide for his own community. And let’s not forget the time where his beloved son nearly became walker chow because he was stupid enough to try and help some random asshole in the woods. You can’t tell me Rick couldn’t have prevented that shit. Couldn’t have stopped and talked some sense into the kid. You remembered who saved his ass, don’t you?”</p><p>Without really realizing it, Michonne was sinking back down into her seat as she thought back to the day Negan was referencing. She had gone on a run for Savior supplies, so she had no idea that Carl had slipped off to track down a stranger he and Rick had run across during the time they were preparing to fight. Carl had expressed interest in helping the man, but Rick had run him off by firing off warning shots. She had thought that was the end of it, but apparently Carl hadn’t forgotten the stranger. Sometime after the communities fell back to serving Negan, Carl had gone off to help him. She heard the story of how walkers crowded him from Negan himself when he drove up to the gates to bring Carl back. He was making his way to the Kingdom and happened to catch the commotion in time. If Negan hadn’t been there, Carl would’ve been dead.</p><p>She hated to admit that much. She hated even more the way Rick had thanked Negan on his knees, in front of everyone. In his mind, Negan could have easily left him to die, or killed him himself. Negan had made a show of being a brave hero, and even offered to take less than half on their next offering, because he was ‘so kind’ and wanted to provide a stress reliever after Carl’s near demise. She had thought it was bullshit until Carl confirmed Negan’s tale in private. Still, it hadn’t matter to her that Negan had saved her son. She never thanked him for it. Instead she had held herself in the bathroom that night and cried at the thought of almost losing another.</p><p>“Rick, didn’t know he’d gone,” Michonne replied weakly as her eyes dropped to the table.</p><p>“Rick should’ve known!” he practically roared. “Where the hell was he that day? Wallowing in the house. He was there when I brought the kid back, remember? And I think it’s saying something when his own son didn’t bother to tell his father where he was going.”</p><p>She blinked back the rising wetness in her eyes. She didn’t want to think about it further. The smile was gone from Negan’s face as he sighed and got to his feet. Michonne barely noticed as he walked toward her.</p><p>“I admit the kid may be a little harsh on his old man. If their relationship wasn't so fucked up, he wouldn't have those fucked up cold emotions about his own father. If you ask me, his jumping ship was a way to get his prick father to wake the hell up to what was happening. I don’t have kids, as you know, but isn’t it true that kid’s cry out to their parents in different ways?” Negan stopped right behind her. He lowered his hands to the tops of her shoulders, making her tense. When he started to massage them gently, her body couldn’t help relaxing. “I could be wrong about the crying out part of it, but I guarantee you Carl still loves the fuck out of that asshole Rick. If he didn’t, he wouldn’t try so hard to make sure I didn’t hurt him, or his sister, or you.”</p><p>Unconsciously Michonne leaned back, lost in what he was saying to her. Negan moved his fingers in deeper, extending the effects of the rubbing. </p><p>“Then why won’t he come home?” she questioned in a voice that expressed obvious loss at Carl’s behavior.</p><p>Negan paused the massage for a second as he considered her question.</p><p>“From what I see, and hear from the kid himself, he’s comfortable here. And in my opinion, he’s doing you and Rick a favor.”</p><p>Michonne turned on him, frowning.</p><p>“A favor?” she questioned with offense.</p><p>“That’s right. The focus of Alexandria is tending to the needs of the Sanctuary. How the hell can Rick keep his focus on us if he’s got Carl to worry his pretty little head over? Knowing he’s safe with me should be enough for you and him. Let me take the brunt of taking care of the kid. It’s not like he doesn’t have another kid to practice his parenting skills on. Worrying about another walker incident with the kid would’ve put the man into an early grave.” </p><p>Negan started moving his hands again. She didn’t bother to stop him as she turned back around.</p><p>“That’s bullshit,” Michonne disagreed. “Having Carl home would’ve made him better. It’s keeping them apart that’s making him worse.”</p><p>“He was already worse Michonne,” Negan said quietly, and with something that sounded like pity. “I know it’s difficult to face, but that family of yours was falling apart. Having Carl removed from the household may be the solution to repairing it in time. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, or some shit like that. But if Rick can get his shit together, to a degree that doesn’t involve him being stupid enough to try and kill me, then maybe he can get his son back. Right now he's too weak to come up here and figure out how to talk to him. So for now, he’s mine, and I am not letting him go.”</p><p>The tone was somewhat possessive, and dare she say chilling. But it established her worst fears about the situation.</p><p>“So you are keeping him, like a prisoner,” she hissed.</p><p>“Not at all. If he wants to go home, we can discuss it. I’d talk it over with Rick, and believe me, he’d come to agree that Carl is better off here. Hell, he was fine when I took Daryl for a time, so why the hell wouldn’t he be fine with this arrangement.”</p><p>Michonne rolled the idea in her head before raising her hand to signal him to stop the massage, which he did.</p><p>“I think, we can all discuss it, together.”</p><p>Negan gave a nod as the wide smile returned.</p><p>“Absolutely, but not anytime soon. I’m just a little too busy to have a parent son kind of conference.”</p><p>“Then I’ll get out of your way.”</p><p>She rose to her feet, and once more, his hands landed on her shoulders. And ever so lightly they began to brush up and down her arms. He moved in close behind her to where she could feel him breathing softly on her neck.</p><p>“You’re never in my way sweetheart,” he whispered slowly. “Anytime you need anything, I want you to come to me. Your problems are my problems, and I want us off to a better start. I want you to trust me.”</p><p>Michonne forced herself to relax as she felt his hands moving down slowly to the sides of her waist. Though she was itching to push him back, she didn’t want to screw up his current mood and possibly have him deny what she was planning to say to him next.</p><p>“Can I trust that Carl will be safe in the time that he’s here? Can I trust that you won’t come after Judith?”</p><p>To her surprise, he pressed his lips gently against her neck, sending goosebumps up her spine.</p><p>“Baby, I guarantee it all. Judith stays with you and prick. I keep your kid safe.”</p><p>“He’s doing pick-ups from the communities. How can I be sure he’s safe unless you pull him off the job?”</p><p>“As long as our communities don’t get any funny ideas about pulling stupid shit, the kid’ll be find. I’ve got my men keeping a close eye on him at all times. So you see, nothing to worry your pretty little head over.”</p><p>He finished off with another kiss to her neck, which inspired a nice shot of heat in that spot. Afterwards, he had the audacity to give her ass a little spank, making her gasp.</p><p>“Now as fun as all this was, I do have something to get back to.” He turned and made his way back to his seat to pour over the papers and the map. “I don’t spend my days lounging back with my feet kicked up as you might have imagined.”</p><p>She rose a hand up to the spot where he had sprinkled his kisses as her brain seemed to fog up. Despite that, she was able to take the cue that she should leave him in peace.</p><p>As her hand fell on the doorknob, her mind cleared enough to bring back the memory of Negan bringing Carl home safely. She gave a sigh of frustration as she bowed her head.</p><p>“Thank you,” she said, sincerely. </p><p>“For what?”</p><p>She raised her head and met his eyes straight on.</p><p>“Thank you for saving Carl that day.”</p><p>The smile wasn’t throwing anything in her face at all. On the contrary, he looked happy to have just been able to help a kid. Right now he didn’t give the impression that he wanted to show off what he’d done, and that alone made her wonder what kind of man Negan had been before the walking dead.</p><p>“You are very welcome. I’m just glad I was, able to get to him in time.”</p><p>From a distance she could see his eyes softening, which proved just how much Carl meant to him. Negan had expressed his concern about Carl before, but this was the first time that she really believed it. She brought up the lightest smile in response, before walking out the door as an uncertain kind of fogginess settled over her brain once again.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>The story of Carl nearly getting killed by walkers did come from the show, in the episode when he was helping Siddiq, only in this case Carl survived only because of Negan. In the show, Negan did blame Rick for the tragedy, so he essentially had the same argument here. <br/>I'm writing as I go, but I feel we're getting more on the path leading to Michonne/Negan ;)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“I do believe you’ll find your new abode quite cozy and comfortable. Anytime you need a little you time, this would be the place to do it.”</p><p>Michonne shifted her eyes away from the set-up of the small bedroom like space, to Eugene who was doing his best to sell it as her new stay. Despite it being smallish, she had to admit that it was rather nice. Aside from the bed, there was a table in the corner, perfect for private mealtimes. Across from that was something of a little living room with a comfortable looking couch positioned before a tall bookcase. It was like a private little house that one could possible live in for a time.</p><p>“It’s nice,” she stated simply as she settled on the bed with a sigh. Now her mind was questioning how long she’d be able to stand it, even if it was much better than the cell.</p><p>“Well, now that you’ve joined us, I’d be happy to—”</p><p>“I haven’t joined Eugene,” she straightened quickly. “I’m only here for a little while.”</p><p>The silence simmered for a moment before Eugene broke it.</p><p>“Because of Carl,” he stated. He didn’t appear relieved at the idea of her coming to save him from the place.</p><p>“Guess it’s pretty obvious,” she said with a small shrug. She leaned herself back flat onto the bed. The softness of the pillow felt nice against her head. “Negan claims we can discuss it, as if he’d be open to the idea of letting Carl go.”</p><p>“Carl has been a fine worker in all the time he’s been here,” Eugene defended. “I can see it being a struggle for our commander to let said worker go. Not only that, he does care about him, a lot.”</p><p>“That’s what bothers me.”</p><p>Her moment of stewing about what to do about her son was interrupted by the memory of Negan’s gentle kisses along her neck. Never would she have believed him to have that sense of gentleness about him. For someone like Negan, she would have expected painful nips or rough lips. Unconsciously her hand began to float to the spot again. How long had it been since she’d felt a physical wet expression of affection on the neck? </p><p>She dropped her hand as she reminder herself that it wasn’t affection Negan felt for her. The man didn’t even know her. It was just infatuation, for being someone that looked like a badass with a sword. There was no need for him to feel anything more. She wasn’t even sure he could feel very strongly considering he shared his bed with so many women. Considering the type of man Negan was, she couldn’t see him really loving any of them. They were just there for his enjoyment of sex and nothing more.</p><p>“Is there, anything else I can do for you?”</p><p>She turned, almost forgetting that Eugene was still in the room with her. She felt just the slightest bit embarrassment from thinking such things while he was present.</p><p>“No. No, I could use some time alone. Thanks.” </p><p>Eugene gave a nod before turning for the door.</p><p>“Wait,” she suddenly cried. “While you’re here, can you tell me something? Are you really, happy here?”</p><p>It wasn’t a question he expected, and in a way she was surprised she had decided to ask it.</p><p>“It’s not a case of being happy, per se. It’s more of a case of, feeling like I fit in better here than I did in Alexandria. Here, I’m more than I was.”</p><p>“You could be more in Alexandria,” Michonne insisted. </p><p>For a second his grip on the door knob tightened before relaxing. </p><p>“I know,” he agreed quietly. “When Negan first brought me here, I was scared. I didn’t see myself surviving for long, but I did. I became more, because I stayed and worked for him.”</p><p>She frowned as she pulled herself up.</p><p>“Eugene, you don’t have to—”</p><p>“I should let you rest up,” he said quickly. “There are a few things I need to accomplish as well before the day is done.”</p><p>She didn’t stop him as he made his hasty exit from the conversation. She almost didn’t blame him for it. Things had gotten heated the last time someone had confronted Eugene about his decision to avoid being rescued from the Sanctuary. A theory had been floating around about him possibly being brainwashed, but said theory died once the war passed and others followed Eugene’s lead. Though Eugene had not chosen to join the Saviors on his own, he was considered the first to switch sides. </p><p>She relaxed against the pillows and stared up at the ceiling. A sigh escaped her lips as she found herself wondering how easily she fell into this situation. Still she was glad it was her and not Rick that had come for Carl. She could only imagine him being locked in a cell without a chance for any kind of deal concerning his son.</p><p>Sometime later, Eugene came by to let her know that Negan requested her presence in the garden. She didn’t see anything good coming from refusing him, so with the intent on staying on his good side, she made her way down to see what he was up to.</p><p> </p><p>The usual image of the man was what she expected to find when she approached the Sanctuary’s garden. But Negan wasn’t sporting his usual leather jacket. He was simply sporting an old looking white shirt with torn jeans. And when she’d been told he requested her in the garden, she assumed he would be near the garden, perhaps sitting at the nearby picnic table. She certainly didn’t expect to see him getting dirty among a collection of tomato plants.</p><p>He grinned when he noticed her and waved her over with a gloved hand. Not certain how to take what she was seeing, she wandered over cautiously. </p><p>“Glad you decided to answer the call,” he greeted. “Gardening doesn’t excite most people.”</p><p>“That’s what you’re doing? Gardening?”</p><p>“Why the hell else would I be here? There’s tomatoes in need of a home inside. Here’s an extra pair of gloves, just for you darling.”</p><p>He raised up the pair of gloves which she took after some hesitation. </p><p>“You’re serious,” she noted skeptically as she turned her attention to a basket next to his feet that already had a few tomatoes in it, along with a few other vegetables. </p><p>“Why wouldn’t I be?”</p><p>She huffed as if the whole thing were a joke.</p><p>“Because, I imagine this being the kind of thing your workers would do. Don’t you have enough responsibilities leading?”</p><p>Unconsciously she lowered herself nearby before a nice group of big plump tomatoes. </p><p>Negan gave a slight shrug as he turned back to the task at hand.</p><p>“No reason why I can’t do both. Now, I don’t know how it works in prick town, but here, we run in shifts. My usual gardeners have the day off. Now it’s true I could’ve easily snagged another soul for this dirty job, but over time, I’ve found something relaxing about tending to nature’s fruits. And if there’s anything people are in need of nowadays, it’s relaxation time.”</p><p>Michonne reached for one of the tomatoes and turned it in her hand as she inspected it.</p><p>“I would’ve thought relaxation time for you would mean a night with one of your wives.”</p><p>“Usually it does,” he replied with a click of the tongue and a sly smile. “But there are other ways.”</p><p>She wasn’t quite sure if she believed him, but the fact was he was right there in the garden when he certainly didn’t have to be. Nothing was stopping him from threatening another to do the kind of work she would’ve thought he’d view as beneath him. As she focused on her sudden task, she found herself thinking of Rick doing diligent work in the garden back when they were stationed at the prison. It was so long ago, but the memory was still well intact. Back then, the gardening duties were solely on Rick, Carl, and Hershel’s shoulders. She’d devoted much of her time to tracking down the Governor. Aside from that, it had taken her some time to really open up to her new family. Sadly by the time she felt fully secure and connected, the private paradise of the prison was up in flames. With the fall, the coldness returned to her soul as she walked with the dead, feeling connected to them once more.</p><p>“Rick used to garden,” she said absentmindedly. “He really liked being, farmer Rick.”</p><p>“Farmer Rick,” he said incredulously. She regretted bringing up that nickname and bit down on her lip in embarrassment. “You know, I can almost see that shit. Rick in his little farmer's hat and pitchfork. Holy fuck. What made him stop?” </p><p>She turned to him as she thought about how much to say.</p><p>“To put it mildly, an asshole returned and ruined what we had. He reminded Rick that we still have to fight sometimes.”</p><p>It was clear that Negan’s interest was piqued by the unnamed attacker.</p><p>“So, Rick’s been drawing assholes to him even before I came along.”</p><p>Michonne gave a natural laugh at the comment, then nodded.</p><p>“Yeah, we’ve had it rough, even before now. But we bounced back. We always do.”</p><p>“And this, other asshole,” Negan pressed. “He took care of him? Did he kill him?”</p><p>The memory of the Governor lying on the ground, bleeding out from the gaping wound in his chest from her sword surfaced to her mind. She had concerned herself with getting Rick to safety and hadn’t bothered to watch him die.</p><p>“He’s dead.”</p><p>Negan gave a hum that hinted that he got that Rick hadn’t done the deed, which meant his opinion of Rick had only lowered. It was the kind of response that irked her even though she knew she shouldn’t care what he thought of any of them. She figured it was more of his smug attitude that got to her.</p><p>“Look, Rick defended us at the risk of his own life. He almost died taking him on.”</p><p>She ripped harshly at a tomato which she accidently punctured. </p><p>“I’m not saying there’s shit wrong with Rick not popping said asshole himself,” Negan cleared up. “Though I do believe that if it’s a leader we’re talking about, then it’s said leader’s responsibility to pop said asshole. I, as you know, never pass up the fucking opportunity.”</p><p>“Obviously,” she muttered, but she sensed that he heard her anyways.</p><p>“As weak as I believe Rick the prick is, I do see his strong points.”</p><p>Michonne raised herself to her feet as an air of annoyance settled over her. That was enough gardening with the Savior leader for a day.</p><p>“Okay. If you’re going to start in on my partner, then my work is done here.”</p><p>“I wasn’t.”</p><p>His eyes softened as he gazed upwards, and she couldn’t help but believe him. The snarky grin dropped in favor of an expression that showed something of respect.</p><p>“I know Ricky’s had a plan to build something great. The world we knew is gone, but he wanted to bring a piece of it back. Now just cause those plans of his conflicted with my plans for him, doesn’t mean I don’t have the teeniest bit of respect for him. Would be a hell of a different story if he wasn’t doing it for his kids, and for his people. If there’s one thing me and the prick have in common, it’s that we both want what’s best for our people.”</p><p>Michonne folded her arms and thought back to the night she met him. It had been clear then that Negan was out for his own when he forced them under his boot so that they could become his workers. </p><p>“You showed us that remember? That night, in the clearing,” she hissed. </p><p>A look of concern shadowed his features as if he had suddenly realized he'd made a mistake. He quickly got to his feet. </p><p>“That was my strategy sweetheart. I have people to care for afterall. And after Rick did in so many of my men, I had to dish out the punishment. I owed it to the people I lost. But I'm not fucking stupid. I get why he did it. Man had to play hero by saving some Hilltop stranger my men took. I get it, but still. Hopefully you’ve heard over time that it’s been a while since I bashed in anyone’s damn skull.”</p><p>She gave a soft sigh as she looked away from him. </p><p>“Rick and I have people to care for too, but that doesn’t mean Rick goes around forcing others to supply his needs.”</p><p>“Like I said, different strategies.” He moved closer to her stiff form. “But the idea was to return a service of defense. I do have the interests of all my communities at heart. Because of me, we are all one. We’re all working to help and keep each other alive. Rick might have thought of another way to achieve that, but look where that got him in the end. He’s barely looking out for anyone as of now. As for me, I’m keeping the people together. No one hurts a hair on anyone’s damn head as long as I’m standing. And as long as I’m standing, I can protect others.”</p><p>Michonne shifted as she zoned in on his eyes. Right now, she wasn’t convinced of what his strategies amounted to. Before the war, Negan sat on top of the world like a king, giving nothing back except terror. Even though she'd seen that the people of the Sanctuary were living in relative comfort and order, she couldn't forget the man that was on top of it all.</p><p>“What it is you want Negan? What’s the full goal here with what you’re doing? Ever since I met you, I saw a man who wanted to take everything while the people dropped to their knees for him.” </p><p>Her shoulders tensed as she found herself actually needing him to have more than a plan of scaring people into submission. She wasn’t even sure why she wanted him to want that. Maybe as a way to make sense of what he and the Saviors had put her and her people through. What was the reason Negan had come into their lives and cost the lives of some of her own? Rick had been trying to build a better world for them, one step at a time. One that had them moving past scrounging for survival and killing endlessly. One that could mirror the past world as closely as possible. Did Negan even have a plan of going beyond having communities provide for him?</p><p>The muscles twitched his expression in a curious way and resulted in him looking thoughtful as well as pained.</p><p>“When it comes down to it, when it truly comes down to the nitty gritty of what I want…it’s simple. I need people to survive.”</p><p>Her lips parted in slight awe at his simple response. Such words made her heart ache for own son who hadn’t made it, along with the people she met along the way before Rick. People who she needed to survive, hadn’t, and at times she felt guilty for it. It was an obvious shared want among most people, however, in this moment, it felt like something quite intimate between them, particularly when it came to someone like Negan. Just the way he’d said it, in a tone of pain and determination made her understand that the man had been suffering from more than one loss. Perhaps it wasn’t just his wife that was a blow, but others who were important to him along the way. </p><p>Right then, she didn’t see some unfeeling brute standing before her. She saw a man who was just like any of them, capable of wanting more than the life of a king. He wasn't out to recreate what was lost in the world. It was just about keeping people alive in the world they had now.</p><p>“I need people to survive too,” she said softly.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>From that point on, Michonne was called into a new task of helping. But it wasn’t that she was fetched to accompany Negan in the garden again. Instead she was asked to do simple things like help some of the older residents with the laundry, or assist with meal preparations in the cafeteria, or even hand out a few preapproved supplies. The jobs were never anything major and they never lasted a full day, therefore she never felt as though she’d been turned into a Savior worker. She was always free to say no, but she never did. She vowed she only would if Negan had her help or work alongside another Savior. No matter what, she would not follow in Carl’s footsteps when it came to the kind of job he and the Saviors did. But so far that wasn’t the case. She knew Negan understood that much about her without even having to ask, which is why he only directed her to the people who had nothing to do with the bloody side of Savior business. </p><p>In her mind they were separate from the Saviors. They were just innocent people living under their roof, keeping their heads down as the Saviors took ‘half’ of their new supplies from other communities. In truth, she knew she should label everyone at the Sanctuary as a Savior. Afterall, all the people still living in Alexandria were Alexandrians. There wasn’t a separation just because some people were on a council and the rest filled out the community. They were all a part of Alexandria, so they all fell under one name. Still, in her mind, a Savior was a cruel asshole that stole and killed. That had been the definition of one upon meeting them, but after spending two weeks in their home, the definition didn’t feel like it carried the same weight.</p><p>She blamed Negan for it. At the point where he had uttered his want of needing people to survive, something shifted. </p><p>She paused her current activity of reading a random book as she thought about his words again along with the look on his face. What she knew about the man was what he had displayed for everyone. In a way that included the way he talked about his bat Lucille. Even if someone hadn’t known the whole story of the bat, she didn’t think it would be hard for a stranger to realize that the name meant something to him. One could most likely guess that it was a reference to a wife and that she had to have died in order for Negan to become the cruel bastard he was. It was highly unlikely that anyone survived without losing someone important to them, so there was no reason why someone couldn’t assume that Negan had lost someone important. The same had to go for the Savior workers, like Arat, and Simon, and all the others. But they weren’t on the forefront of her mind; Negan was.</p><p>Before, she was happy to know very little about him, but now, she found herself quite curious about who and what he’d lost along the way. It was possible that she would be able to get him to share on that matter, then again, he hadn’t personally called for her help since the garden. She wondered if he feared he’d had said too much to her with that simple line. She understood that as she had been an almost impossible egg to crack when Andrea had been trying to get to know her. It was painful to open up, so it was possible that Negan might actually feel pain for sharing what he’d gone through.</p><p>From the few times she had imagined him being in terrible pain just before his death, she wouldn’t entertain the image of him being emotionally hurt by a loss. It was too cruel. She didn’t want to see Negan like that. Physical pain was better to imagine if it led to an imagined death. She didn’t subscribe to torture either, therefore Negan had never been tortured in her mind whenever she dreamed up the worst for him on a particularly bad day from the Saviors’ visit. Now that she thought of those old imaginings, she felt a flicker of shame. Maybe she never even had to imagine him in pain. Maybe he’d been in pain all along and he just happened to hide it well as a showman. The only way to know was to talk to him and find a way to get him to share.</p><p>She leaned back in her chair as she consciously accepted her new task. She reasoned it could help her original mission of saving Carl. If Negan became softened from opening up about his losses, he could feel compelled to let Carl return to his father’s side. Maybe bringing back a shred of his humanity was the key to stopping the Savior’s rule once and for all.</p><p>Michonne headed down the hall, figuring she should get some fresh air since she had no tasks for the day. Before she could round a corner, she halted and pulled back at the sight of Negan and Carl. She kept herself hidden as she spied on the scene a few feet away from her.</p><p>Negan was speaking to Carl in a hushed voice so she couldn’t hear what he was telling him. He didn’t appear angry, and if anything Carl was quite attentive as he stared back at him and nodded every once in a while. Her gaze shifted to Negan’s hand which was squeezing Carl’s shoulder gently. It made her just the tiniest bit upset as it created an idea of a father talking to his son in her head. It was then enhanced by the smile Carl gave Negan. It was so much like the past scenes of Rick talking to Carl. He didn’t have moments like that with his father any longer. It had become so stiff between them. But here, Carl seemed to fall into a natural bond with the man before him, as if he had known him as long as he knew his own father.</p><p>Negan clapped him on the shoulder and Carl gave a nod before entering a door behind them. She was left watching as Negan gave a long shaky sigh as he tossed his head back as if looking to the heavens. From his body language, she could read that something had happened, and it wasn’t anything good. A minute later, he walked away with a sad or tired movement to his steps.</p><p>Michonne turned to the room Carl had just entered. Once Negan was out of sight, she took a few steps toward it, highly tempted to question Carl about his conversation. But even as the curiosity struck her, she knew she couldn’t approach him. It would have been the worst move when she was trying so hard to get him back. She could see him blowing up at her from seemingly eavesdropping on him even though she’d heard nothing.</p><p>Instead of pursuing Carl, she turned her attention to Negan. Whatever the man was willing to say, it could automatically link up with her son anyways. At least that’s what she told herself.</p><p> </p><p>Having been led to his bedroom door before, from Negan hoping she’d take the hint and stop by one night, Michonne knew where to go. She knocked gently and waited.</p><p>“Door’s fucking open. Come in.”</p><p>He didn’t sound pissed, just bitter, which made her hesitate before entering. Once inside she found him slouched in an armchair with a hand covering his face. On the table next to him was an unopened bottle of whiskey. When he took notice of her, he forced a smile.</p><p>“Pardon my rudeness. Had I known it was you, I would’ve gotten my ass up and opened it for you darling.”</p><p>“No need to get up,” she said as she settled in the chair across from him. “Just thought I’d make sure there wasn’t any more gardening projects for me to take on.”</p><p>Negan was momentarily taken aback by the comment, then gave a soft laugh.</p><p>“You enjoyed it that much? I would’ve thought you were glad not to pick tomatoes again.”</p><p>“I don’t know,” she said, shrugging, “It was kind of relaxing.”</p><p>“Well, next time I give the gardeners a break, we’ll get back on it. Or, I could set you up with them if you enjoy the damn dirt so much. Can’t say I’m in much mood to play farmer anytime soon.”</p><p>Michonne shifted at the idea of not working with him there again when it offered up a good way to understand him.</p><p>“Did something happen?”</p><p>He ran his hand hard across his face with his eyes glued to the floor. There was the look of pain shadowing his features again.</p><p>“We lost a man today. Rosco. When he was out on a supply run, the idiot got to close to the damn dead.”</p><p>The silence that followed echoed how she felt internally after hearing his words. To hear him sound and look so sorrowful temporarily caught her off guard. Negan had always appeared to be the type of man who wouldn’t throw his heart out from the loss of one of his many men. It hadn’t been the impression he’d made that night in the clearing. Then again, it was possible he was too excited about capturing those responsible to dwell on the deaths. On top of that, he wasn’t the type to shed tears in front of such a large audience. If her time in the garden with him taught her anything, it was that she had been wrong about the man not being able to feel anything. </p><p>She blinked a few times before responding.</p><p>“I’m sorry.” Back in the day, she would have felt some pleasure in knowing a Savior met his or her end as the less Saviors around the better. Now however, she felt strange about it since Negan was so troubled by it.</p><p>“Yeah,” he muttered. “I’m sitting here trying to figure out what to say to his wife.”</p><p>It was something she probably shouldn’t have found surprising, but she did. The fact that a Savior had a normal life only continued to prove that they were all just regular people.</p><p>“That’s, never easy,” she started quietly. She wasn’t sure what to say, but there was a small part of her that wanted to provide a sense of comfort. “All you can do is, speak from the heart, and be there for her.”</p><p>He gave the slightest nod as he kept his eyes on the floor.</p><p>“Well, I’ll leave you alone.”</p><p>She got to her feet and was able to turn when his hand reached out and took hers.</p><p>“Stay a minute. I could use some of your strength.”</p><p>“A-alright.”</p><p>She stood by his side as he squeezed her hand. </p><p>The quietness of the room was peaceful, and for once she didn’t feel the need to hurry away from the man. For the first time she was able to understand up close how this world could affect Negan when something went horribly wrong. She was kind of touched that he allowed her to see it rather than ask her to leave. In addition to that, he expressed his need for her support. He could have easily gotten it from one of his wives; women he knew much longer than her. But he had wanted her then, so she stay and length her strength.</p><p>She wasn’t sure how long she stood with him, but before releasing her hand, he had kissed the top of it. He followed up with a thank you, then left to handle the deed of informing the man’s wife. When she passed by Carl’s room, she considered confronting him again, this time about the matter of Rosco. She couldn’t help wondering if Carl had been on a run with the man, making it the reason why he and Negan spoke. She had gone as far as raising her hand to knock, but dropped it in favor of returning to her room.</p><p> </p><p>That evening, Michonne headed down to the main floor in time to hear Negan’s toast to their loss. It was unlike the way he’d spoken about Joey when she heard him give the murdered man a toast over the walkie, back when she, Rick, and the others were attempting to steal his dynamite off the road. Negan sounded playful and semi-disrespectful then, but here, his words were soft.</p><p>“Though me and Rosco never shared a drink, the man was loyal to a tee, just like all of you. Accidents happen, but this is the kind of shit we strive to avoid. Doesn’t always happen that way. So, if there’s anything we can get from Rosco, it’s that we’ve got to try our damnest to pay attention, and when it comes down to it, keep looking out for one another, just like always. We’re not going to forget Rosco. We’re going keep fucking fighting for him!”</p><p>There were cries of agreement from the watching crowd. Some downed the drinks they were holding while others kept their heads bowed in silence. A sob sounded from a woman who was being supported by two of Negan’s wives. Michonne figured her to be Rosco’s wife, and it appeared confirmed when Negan walked over to console her with a gentle embrace. </p><p>She backed away from the intimate scene in favor of returning to her room. She wasn’t a part of the Sanctuary’s loss, and felt more like an intruder on the tragedy.  </p><p>Later that night, she laid across her bed as she rolled the Sanctuary’s roughest day through her head. Slowly she squeezed the fingers of her left hand into her palm as she was reminded of the warmth left behind from Negan’s hand. In a way it seemed odd that such a man would require another’s strength, but there had always been the case of him pulling it from his bat. The smallest smile graced her face at the fact that Negan chose another person to draw power from as opposed to a piece of wood. Maybe one of the reasons he was able to give such a passionate speech was because he’d chose to use her. Had it been Lucille, the speech might have gone another way. She had no idea, but she liked to think that Negan could become better if he leaned on people more than his barbwire bat. </p><p>A knock on the door roused her from her wonderings.</p><p>“Who is it?”</p><p>“It’s me. Mind if I come in?”</p><p>Michonne got up and unlocked the door for the man currently playing in her mind. He looked better, but there was the clear smell of liquor on his lips.</p><p>“You okay?” she asked gently.</p><p>“Yeah. Just wanted to settle down somewhere that wasn’t my room for a minute.”</p><p>He plopped down on the bed with a heavy sigh. For a second Michonne felt the need to insist he ask first, but she remembered quickly enough that this wasn’t really her bedroom. The place belonged to Negan.</p><p>“You know, I failed to mention to you that Carl was with Rosco when it happened,” he informed her. His head was slightly bowed, but he slowly looked up at her as if afraid to meet her eyes. “It could’ve been Carl that got torn to shreds. Thank god it wasn’t.”</p><p>Michonne stiffened at the brief image of her son getting into such trouble. She swallowed hard as she sat next to him.</p><p>“Carl’s careful. He knows how to protect himself,” she pointed out.</p><p>“But shit can still go wrong. One thing I didn’t mention on the floor was that Rosco wasn’t the brightest. It’s not really a surprise that he fucked up, but…still. Carl wanted to take the blame for it. Rosco was trying to bring in something he found in a car, and the kid’s kicking himself for not being there and getting to him in time. I talked to him. I think he gets that the fault’s not with him.”</p><p>“Carl cares for everyone’s welfare,” Michonne replied with a soft smile. “He can’t help but try and help people, no matter the circumstances.”</p><p>“No matter the person,” Negan added. Upon her look, he tapped at himself. “Would he have done the same for one of us before he became one of us?”</p><p>It was hard to tell now, but considering how Carl’s attitude had started to change in regards to the way he wanted the Saviors to be handled, she could see him still trying to help their enemy.</p><p>“I think he would have. He’s a good kid.”</p><p>Negan reached out and brushed his fingers gently up and down her arm, making her shiver. She was aware that he was seeking comfort, and as of now she was okay with giving it.</p><p>“You’re good too Michonne,” he practically whispered. “I don’t think I’ve ever received a power like that from my own Lucille.”</p><p>Michonne fell back against the bed by his side as she gave a laugh of disagreement.</p><p>“I’m not that powerful,” she muttered. “If I was, I would’ve been able to save more people.”</p><p>Mentally she added that she would have been able to keep her family together. </p><p>“We can all only do so much.”</p><p>“Yeah,” she agreed softly. Barely was she aware of the man entwining his fingers with hers.</p><p>“Helps when you have someone by your side,” Negan continued quietly. “I’ve had Lucille by my side, all this time. But I’m not blind to the truth. A bat can only get you so far.”</p><p>He squeezed her hand, creating a nice warmth in her palm.</p><p>“But you’re not alone,” she reminded him as she turned her head to look at him. “You have people here. I’m sure you’re close to some of them. Same with your wives.”</p><p>There was no cocky grin on his face as she observed him. He just looked unsatisfied.</p><p>“I’m not sure sometimes.” He said it with an air of uncertainty, and in a voice that sounded small which was so unlike the big man. “They have so much respect for me, I’m not sure they think they can get personal with me. I have a role to partake in, and getting too close can screw shit up. Did in the past. That’s why a manner of distance worked. But now, I’m not so sure how fucking long it can work.”</p><p>“What about your wives?”</p><p>Negan turned to her at last, sporting a relaxed façade.</p><p>“They’re happy to play house with me, but I don’t feel the genuine heart pounding emotions from them. To be fucking honest, I’m not sure I ever really felt the same about them. Maybe if they were more like you.”</p><p>Michonne was caught in a soft laugh at the compliment.</p><p>“More like me,” she repeated softly. “What do you see in me?”</p><p>Negan raised himself as he leaned in close to her.</p><p>“So…much,” he whispered. </p><p>Before she realized what was happening, Negan was pressing his lips against hers. There was a tingle of surprise, but it barely lasted a second as her body reacted, apparently unsurprised by the move. Her shoulders sagged as her whole body melted while the man moved further on top. Her eyes had shut automatically and her brain thought of nothing else except how good it was to feel passion through the lips again.</p><p>She didn’t fight even though a small voice in the back of her head told her to push the bastard away. Instead she gave back to Negan; returning the kiss with just as much energy as he was pumping. Negan fully encroached into her mental space, and by the time Rick emerged from the fog, the kiss had been broken. </p><p>Negan snuggled up next to her side as his eyes closed and he released a breath of relief. Michonne shut her eyes as well, feeling as though she was in some kind of a daze or a very strange dream. She breathed a breath of relief as well as she curled her fingers in Negan’s hand and fell asleep by his side.</p>
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<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Morning aroused her to a clear head. Any potential dazed feelings she’d had left, and a sharp reality of what had happened the night before set in. With a gasp, she jerked up from the bed. Fearfully she moved a finger to her lips as she questioned whether that kiss had really happened. A better confirmation came from turning to her side to see Negan sound asleep next to her. </p><p>She was at least relieved that they were both clothed, and there was no indication of anything happening beyond them except a kiss. </p><p>But still, a kiss was just enough to send her mind whirling in horror and shame. Lending Negan a spec of comfort and a little strength had gone too far. None of this was supposed to be about him! She was here for Carl, and Carl only. What she figured were possible stepping stones from using Negan to get to Carl, turned out to lead back to the man she was planning to avoid.</p><p>“Fuck…fuck.” She sunk her face into her hands as she imagined Negan lording this over her, especially in front of Rick if he intended to be so cruel. </p><p>The sound of him rousing caused her to tense up. She refused to look at him.</p><p>“Morning darling,” she heard him greet her. “Hope that was as good for you as it was for me.”</p><p>Her heart sunk a little upon hearing that he remembered. Of course he did. She jerked hard when his hand landed on her thigh.</p><p>“Something wrong?”</p><p>The glare twisting her face might have been enough to befall a walker.</p><p>“You! That’s what’s wrong.” She hurriedly pulled herself out of bed. Getting covered in walker guts made her feel less dirty.</p><p>“Michonne—”</p><p>“DON’T!” With a hand raised, she shut her eyes to gather herself as calmly as she could before continuing. “What happened last night, can’t happen again.”</p><p>“Nothing happened last night,” Negan said cautiously. He looked concerned about setting her off even more. “Nothing to get so worked up about.”</p><p>“No…I can’t.” She shook her head as she unconsciously went back to that kiss. It was good. It was like a breath of fresh air after a long wait for that spark of affection. But that was the problem. That spark was supposed to come from Rick and only Rick.</p><p>Negan started to make his way around the bed toward her, but she raised her hand again.</p><p>“No,” she hissed sharply. “There can’t be anything more between us.”</p><p>“Michonne…”</p><p>“<em>I’m Rick’s</em>! I belong with Rick! Not you.”</p><p>“That kiss was—”</p><p>“That kiss, could’ve started something more between us. There’s not supposed to be anything here. I’m not here to be one of your wives remember?” She released a long breath as the excitement started to die down. “I came for Carl. That’s all.”</p><p>The way his eyes softened and the way his lips formed a flat line hinted that he was feeling hurt, but Michonne didn’t see the need to take anything back when it was the truth.</p><p>“Okay,” he started slowly as he took a step back, his hands raised in surrender. “I get you feel we jumped the gun here, but if that’s really how you felt, you could’ve socked me in the face and told me to back the fuck off. I didn’t get the impression you had a problem.”</p><p>“I should’ve, but I got lost,” she agreed quietly as she dropped her eyes and questioned her positive response that night. She sat on the bed with her back facing him. “I heard what you’d told me, when you shared your feelings. I just, gave into the instinct of…lending you support. I lent too much. I let it go too far.”</p><p>“You were lost, but, was it really about lending me support?”</p><p>A sharp intake of breath and an icy look was enough to shut him up on sharing his thoughts on why she’d allowed it. His shoulders sagged in an air of defeat and a groan escaped his lips.</p><p>“Alight princess. If you feel that strongly about it, I won’t carry on about how fucking amazing your sweet lips were.”</p><p>“Don’t carry on to Rick either,” she insisted as she faced him dead on, eyes pleading. “He can’t know. Something that seems like no big deal to you, will crush him in the state he’s in.”</p><p>“You have my word. It’ll be our little secret.” He pressed a hand over his heart and gave no indication with his expression that he was lying. “Anything else I can do for you? How about some breakfast? We don’t have to talk about anything.”</p><p>“No. I just need space, from you.”</p><p>She gave him the literal cold shoulder again to further make her point. When the door shut with barely a creak, she knew her point was made and that he was gone.</p><p> </p><p>The goal now had become to avoid a man that had suddenly become a lot more threatening to her. When Eugene or another Savior came around to invite her to breakfast, lunch, or even dinner in the cafeteria, she always declined knowing Negan would be awaiting her presence. He apparently had no qualms about sending food to her since she made it clear that she would be having her meals alone in her room. When she did venture outside to do a task or two, she would switch her path if it meant running into Negan. Not once did she miss him trying to catch her eye.</p><p>The mission was somewhat distracting, particularly when she felt it was impossible to shake the man. One way or another she’d run the risk of heading within range of him and catching his voice. If he called to her, she would shake her head and keep walking. For that reason she tried even harder to figure out how she was going to reach Carl. There was no plan in place as Negan had been her best option of granting his freedom, being that the kid was so close to him. Without him, she was back to square one of trying to talk Carl into coming home, which didn’t pan out in her favor the first time.</p><p>Michonne leaned against a wall as she looked out at the garden. The wind passing lightly over her skin did little to ease her. </p><p>“Damn it.”</p><p>She knew there was no way of winning this war without getting to Negan. He had, afterall, suggested a conference where Carl’s Savior life could be discussed. If she kept up the cold shoulder, it would never occur.</p><p>Her heart fluttered as she thought back to her blow up. Once she was given some time alone without him, she found she didn’t feel as angry with Negan as she originally had. Instead she turned the glare on herself. She hadn’t been so exhausted or lost in Negan’s emotions that she couldn’t have stopped him. It scared her to think that she had been so desperate for some kind of romantic contact that she was willing to get it from her enemy. This was the kind of thing she needed to talk about with Rick, yet they had put aside relationship discussions for the sake of keeping the Saviors happy. And when it really came down to it, she hadn’t wanted to believe she needed it. They were always alright, and bringing Carl home would’ve somehow proved that they could all stick together. The romance between her and Rick wasn’t fizzling out. </p><p>They could fix it. She could fix it.</p><p>“<em>We can all only do so much”</em> </p><p>Michonne grimaced at his words, not wanting to buy it. Then it was followed up with a confident smile. The fact that she felt horrible about the kiss, meant that her feelings for Rick were still secured.<br/>
She held to it with a vice like grip as she laughed. There wasn’t a reason to be afraid of Negan knowing it didn’t mean she was losing something for her lover at home.</p><p> </p><p>By the time a third week was wrapped up, Negan’s role as a conflict in her heart was minor. She pushed her thoughts toward the man at home which had her missing him greatly. She was certain Negan still never bothered to send word to Rick about what was happening with her, being that he expressed interest in Rick coming in person to find out. So far she hadn’t seen a sign of it, and she preferred it that way for the sole sake of keeping him safe.</p><p>A harsh knock sounded on her door, interrupting her peace of gazing out the window as she brought up the past memories of her newly established relationship with Alexandria’s once strong leader.</p><p>“Michonne! You’re needed on dead dispatching with Negan!” came Arat’s commanding voice.</p><p>“Not interested!” she shouted back. She still insisted on keeping her distance from Negan for the time being.</p><p>She banged on the door hard.</p><p>“It’s not negotiable.”</p><p>Annoyed, Michonne crossed over and opened the door.</p><p>“I said I’m not interested,” she stated coldly.</p><p>“And I said it’s not negotiable,” came the reply with the same coldness she’d given. “I know you’re here for your kid. You really wanna screw that up by pissing him off. He’s waiting in the truck. Get moving.”</p><p>Arat walked away, leaving the warning hanging high in the air. She growled as she gripped the side of the door hard. If Negan was at the point of demanding her presence, there was no ignoring it if it risked angering him in the wrong way.</p><p>Negan was waiting in the driver’s seat of the truck, whistling his Savior’s theme song. It made her hesitate in approaching for a second as it was never good to hear that tune coming from him. What made it worst was the Cheshire like grin that greeted her when he turned.</p><p>“Glad you accepted. Hop on in.”</p><p>She narrowed her eyes as she observed him closely. The man behind the wheel was the one she’d been most familiar with; the version she despised. If he was like this now, then nothing good would come from where ever he was planning to take her.</p><p>“I wasn’t given a choice according to Arat,” she snapped. She settled in and slammed the door shut. “I thought you were all about giving choices.”</p><p>“I am. It’s just that I don’t have a choice but to recruit you for this job. Got everyone else’s hands full. Besides, I think you’ll be better at it than the others.”</p><p>He started up the truck and headed out on the road.</p><p>“What kind of job?” Michonne pressed.</p><p>Negan clucked with delight at the question.</p><p>“The kind that requires you to be a fucking badass.” He shot her a look and his grin widened. “You’ll see.”</p><p>She wasn’t sure she trusted his mood. The man could appear happy but could always go sideways, and considering she had all but ignored him, she wouldn’t be surprised if he was plotting some way to get back at her.</p><p> </p><p>Nothing more was said between them as Negan continued to drive. Every once in a while he whistled his tune, but for the most part he was quiet. Michonne kept her eyes away, but here and there she’d glance out of the corner of her eye at him. She almost considered bringing up her need to keep her distance from him, however, being that it wasn’t the case now, she didn’t see much point to it.</p><p>“Sorry if things have been, difficult around the Sanctuary lately,” Negan suddenly spoke up, prompting her to look over at him. He kept his eyes on the road and added nothing more to his sentence.</p><p>“Yeah well, things are a little awkward right now.”</p><p>“Maybe that’ll resolve itself,” Negan said with a shrug.</p><p>Not wanting to discuss their issue any longer, Michonne didn’t respond, and he fell silent again.</p><p>A few minutes later, Negan was pulling into an abandoned, run-downed bar. Negan stepped out, raised his arms, and smiled widely as if he had just come across a castle.</p><p>“Ain’t she a beaut,” he commented proudly.</p><p>“Depends on who’s in need of it.” She eyed the place disinterest and uncertainty as she stepped out.</p><p>“I am.”</p><p>He swerved on the spot and walked to the back of the truck. He threw aside a blanket that had been covering his infamous bat along with, to her shock, her katana. She furrowed her brow as she looked to Negan for confirmation, then reached for it.</p><p>“Just promise you won’t gut me,” Negan said after reaching for his own weapon of choice. </p><p>“Excuse me?”</p><p>Her answer sounded itself in the form of the walkers’ guttural growls. There were a few milling around within the bar, and some sneaking around the side of the building after being drawn by the sound of their ride.</p><p>“We’re cleaning house,” Negan casually began. He strolled up to the walker that was making a beeline for him. “I’m planning on spreading more of my men out to a new outpost, and this couldn’t be better.”</p><p>He reeled back his arms and swung the bat hard, resulting in a powerful bash across the skeletal creature’s head. It was still meaty enough to cause blood and brain matter to fly like fireworks. Negan just laughed it off and went for the next that came up. The power that surged from his form as he twisted his hips was on point. Michonne wasn’t sure why she was wrapped up in watching the way he moved. </p><p>He turned to her with a questioning look.</p><p>“What? This kind of shit’s not your thing? I could use a little help here.”</p><p>He hinted at the interior of the bar. She got the message and readied her sword as she hurried over to open the doors. The groaning creatures filed out of the space with their cloudy eyes set on their potential next meal. Michonne refused to give them a taste as she got to work on slashing and swinging her sword.</p><p>Behind her Negan was still doing the same with his bat. He gave a cry of release and joy every time he downed a walker. Without knowing it, they were practically in sync with their motions. Michonne too gave a war like cry upon each little victory. This wasn’t something she wasn’t used to after all. She’d had her days when she needed to sneak away from the depressions of Alexandria and find a nice group of walkers to slaughter. She’d been careful not to alert anyone to her activities, and yet here, Negan had made a comment suggesting that he knew this was her thing.</p><p>After decapitating the last attacker and sending the end into his severed head, she looked around at her current partner. Negan hollered loud and proud when he delivered a nasty strike across the side of a bloated looking walker. He switched it up to bring his now blood covered bat down on the creature’s head. But he still wasn’t finished. There was a female attempting to sneak up on him from behind. Michonne acted immediately even though Negan would have had plenty of time to turn and take her. She took the opportunity and slipped the blade into her from the back of her head, and exiting out of its mouth.</p><p>“Why honey, you do care about me,” Negan teased. “And all this time, I thought you stopped loving me.”</p><p>“Negan,” she said exasperatedly.</p><p>“Just twisting your tits. But, it’s nice to know we’re able to get back on the right footing.”</p><p>Michonne’s attention was more on the piles of rotted bodies at their feet. </p><p>“You really expect me to believe you couldn’t get anyone else for this shit? Why me?”</p><p>Negan’s shoulders sagged and he gave a sigh knowing he was caught. </p><p>“I should know better than to try and bullshit you.” He dropped the bat casually over his shoulder as he faced her dead on. “I figured there was no sense in letting our relationship stay screwed up. Now I’m not saying that kiss started something. I simply mean that you and I were off to a good, friendly start. That’s something that should be important to you, considering you’re trying to get your kid back so bad. I’d hate for that conversation not to happen because of the tension that’s built up between us. When I have guests in my home, I prefer that they weren’t mad as fuck at me, otherwise, it generates problems. Sometimes it generates the attempted assassination type of problems. I figured this was a good chance to work shit out.”</p><p>She gave a slight roll of the eyes from how his speech came across.</p><p>“You make it sound like we’re an old married couple.”</p><p>“Then we’re getting in some early practice,” he said with a sly tone.</p><p>Michonne huffed with amusement and shook her head. She saw his point and very much agreed with working things out, but she wasn’t sure such a rule applied to one’s enemies. Back in the day, it wouldn’t have been a matter of smoothing over an asshole to ensure someone was safe. She and her people would fight. The fight was gone out of them after such a crippling loss. With not enough fire power at their sides, reasoning was the next best thing they could do.</p><p>“I think, when it comes down to it, I’m more mad at myself than I am at you,” she confessed. She took a moment to explain it without involving her rocky relationship at home. “I’m here for my family, and I’m still with my people. That kiss made me afraid that, I was forgetting that.”</p><p>“Oh sweetheart.” He walked up to her and placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. “Dipping your feet in a puddle doesn’t mean you’re about to get all <em>wet</em>.” She raised a brow at the way he’d said the word, but he just grinned. “We got caught in the moment. Nothing more.”</p><p>“I know that,” she agreed with a nod. “I was just scared. A lot of things scare me lately.”</p><p>Negan squeezed her shoulder lovingly and expressed signs of wanting to embrace her, but held back.</p><p>“Now that’s the last thing I want for you. That’s why I want you to lean on me as a stress reliever. I’m a goddamn good listener. If that’s too much, ain’t no shame in relying on a little fantasy to get you through things.”</p><p>“Fantasy?”</p><p>“Yeah. You might want to imagine my head on a pike if you haven’t already. I’m sure pricky Ricky has. But something nice that you can smile about might push away the fear. Hell there’s no more tv so we might as well picture our favorite shows. And if that doesn’t do it for yah, I am happy to take you out here to beat the ever loving shit out of more walkers. Might be good for more than just an aggression releaser if it gives you a hell of a distraction.”</p><p>“I’ll consider your ideas,” she answered in a tone of humor.</p><p>“Good to hear.” He turned and took in the bar and the work it took to save it from the current residents. “I think this’ll do for now. Time to get my crew up here to do some in-depth house cleaning. I appreciate your help on the hard part darling. Couldn’t have done it without you.”</p><p>Her smile slipped just a little as it just dawned on her that she had helped Negan secure a new outpost for his Saviors. Being so wrapped up in her emotions made her lose sight of that simple fact. Another outpost meant the Saviors could expand further across the land and possibly come within range of another community they could take over. It made her deflate for a moment, but she rationalized quickly enough that Negan would have had this place with or without her. It didn’t matter what she did for him or how she helped him. The man would get what he wanted in the end. </p><p>The thought made her shiver as she reflected it on herself. It didn’t help that Negan winked at her before turning to the truck. As he did so, her eyes dropped downward and settled on his rear. How tight his ass looked in those jeans. </p><p>“You coming?” Negan asked when he noticed she was still standing in place.</p><p>“Y-yeah.”</p><p>She broke from the small fantasy and hopped in the truck. Her cheeks were burning badly.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Michonne opened her eyes to another new morning, at the Sanctuary. Barely had it registered how long she’d been here now. After another week she would have been with the Saviors for a whole month, the agreed upon time she would remain with them. On her own time she had already reunited with Carl, but there was a promised conference. There was no telling when it would happen, being that Negan often kept himself busy with other things.</p><p>With him on her mind at the moment, she reflected back to the kiss they’d shared and how warm it had made her feel. That in turn made her turn to her right side as if expecting to see Negan lying next to her like before. He wasn’t there, and the small anticipation that had stirred in her died. As bad as she felt about it happening, she was almost not sorry it happened. That little spark of warmth may have been what was needed to make it through this until she returned home. </p><p>The heat dissipated as she thought about Alexandria and how dreary it had become, and mainly in her own home. Compared to the Sanctuary, Alexandria was something of a ghost town. She curled her fingers sharply into her pillow as she thought about what needed to happen once she left. Alexandria would have to change if she was going to make it there. It wasn’t fair that the Sanctuary could thrive in a lively manner while her people could not. It annoyed her to a degree that Negan had been right about her developing a fresh view of his place. She’d seen it clearly from the people. They were living well and were overall in high spirits. She needed the same for the Alexandrians, and Rick, yet she wasn’t quite sure how to go about achieving it so long as Negan stood over them. Her heart twisted at the idea that he might be the only form of help she could get in lifting spirits. The thing was, her people knew Negan for breaking spirits instead, and as long as they continued their labor for the Saviors, hope would remain low.</p><p>She pulled herself out of bed and gathered her things for a nice morning shower. The routine of showering early helped to keep her sane in enemy territory. Down the hall to the right, there was a bathroom that the first floor residents shared. Everyone had their assigned times to bathe. Because Negan was so gracious, he allowed her to have the early slot in place of another. So when she reached the door, it was partially open. She made to enter, but paused at the sound of water being turned off. If someone was simply using the bathroom, the door would’ve been locked.</p><p>Thinking she was mistaken she walked on it, and it was then that she received quite a shock. A gasp left her throat and the towels, clean clothes, and soap she was carrying, dropped to the floor.</p><p>Negan had just turned to face her from his position next to the shower, and he was wet and completely naked. A wide toothy grin stretched across his face as he looked at her.</p><p>“Well good morning to you too,” he greeted. “Bet this is a hell of a way for you to wake up.”</p><p>Unconsciously her eyes slipped downward where she was able to acquire an eyeful of what Negan was packing. It was a wonder he was always bragging about it. The length, and what she gathered from the girth, was impressive enough to capture her attention for a good minute. </p><p>“As you can clearly see I already cleaned up, but I don’t mind a repeat, with you,” he teased.</p><p>Michonne broke from the spell and swerved her eyes away as she backed up.</p><p>“What are you doing here? It’s my hour to shower.” The tone didn’t come out as pissed off as she wanted it to.</p><p>“I was feeling too dirty to wait. I blame the dreams I’ve been having lately. Thought I’d sneak in here before you got up. Guess I went a little longer than I should have.</p><p>He was anything buy apologetic from the way he explained, which was expected.</p><p>“Don’t play innocent with me.” When she looked at him again, she was able to meet his eyes with a fierce glare. “I know what you were up to.”</p><p>“The only thing I was up to was making sure my ass was well cleansed. And yes, that includes my beautiful balls of steel. And I’m sure you noticed I took damn good care of my dick too. If there’s one part of myself that I make sure I maintain well, it’s my—”</p><p>“Fine, I get it. Just get dressed and leave. You’re on my shift.”</p><p>“Yes ma’am.”</p><p>He chuckled lightly then turned to retrieve a towel. As he did so, it was revealed to Michonne the kind of ass that had been hidden in his pants. There was indeed a tightness to his buns, and at the same time they were nicely filled out. </p><p>“Damn it,” she growled at herself before heading out and slamming the bathroom door behind her. </p><p>Outside, she leaned against it while trying to control her breathing. Right now her heart was pumping fast and a toasty heat was filling her insides. It was one thing to think about the kiss. The last thing she needed was an actual visual of the man’s privates circling her head. Damn Negan for putting such a plot together.</p><p>She rubbed her fingers over her brows hard in an attempt to wash it away. This was not what she needed right now.</p><p>The door opened to a now dressed Savior leader. </p><p>“Bathroom’s all yours my lady.” </p><p>She could have done without the smugness.</p><p>The warm water was pleasurable as it rolled over her ebony skin. The sound of falling water added to the experience and helped to relieve her of some of the stress that built up overtime. As of late however, she hadn’t felt as much of it building up. That in turn led her to think of the image she’d had of Negan several minutes ago.</p><p>She huffed angrily and punched the side of the wall, before dropping her head under the water to try and regain calmness. Her heart was doing a flip, and she couldn’t help looking around at the door as if expecting Negan to barge in to join her.</p><p>“Stop it,” she ordered herself, her fingers pressed harshly into the sides of her brow. “Just stop it.”</p><p>The order didn’t register as Negan’s naked rear was remembered next. The cushy warmth that enveloped her then, told her that she had enjoyed seeing Negan like that. She was free to deny it, but she knew what that feeling meant. She sighed and turned her eyes up to the heavens. It was just a harmless feeling when it came down to it. There was no wrong in experiencing a minor spark of excitement in seeing a male’s form in the nude. Curiosity and pleasure were natural afterall. If nothing was acted upon, it was fine. </p><p>Michonne shut her eyes and ran her hands down her soapy arms to rinse. Her own fingers touched her body, and yet, Negan’s hands were there, ghosting over her form, touching her curves and dipping inward between her legs and teasing her breasts. Her breathing picked up as she let the fantasy play, inviting it to continue. This ghostly form of Negan pressed in behind her and planted kisses up and down her neck, making her tingle. His hands cupped her ass and his dick pressed up against her crack.</p><p>Her eyes fluttered open and her throat issued a gasp. She swallowed thickly as she came back into reality and shut the water off. Though the water hadn’t been very hot, she felt she had just taken the hottest shower of her life.</p><p> </p><p>“Thanks for helping me out, but like I said, you really didn’t have to.”</p><p>Michonne smiled at the middle-aged black woman before her as she used her time to help her handle the laundry. Franny had once lived in Alexandria, but had been one of the many to shift her home under Negan. Michonne had no ulterior motives when she decided on her own to help the woman. She was an old friend and just wanted to help her out.</p><p>“I wanted to,” Michonne insisted as she did her part in folding clothes.</p><p>“Joe doesn’t mind domestic duties, but today, Negan has him helping secure a new post.”</p><p>“Your husband’s okay with that? It can be dangerous out there.”</p><p>“He can handle himself,” she explained. “It’s not like he’s alone.”</p><p>Michonne nodded and proceeded to put a stack of newly folded clothes in a basket nearby. Franny paused in folding a set of towels as she looked at her.</p><p>“I didn’t ask but, how’s Rick been doing?”</p><p>There was something of a cringe that took her for a sec before she forced a smile.</p><p>“He’s good. Still trying to, make sure everyone’s okay.” Negan surfaced again, grinning as he showed off his nakedness. She shook the image away as she tried focusing on Rick.</p><p>Franny nodded as a somber smile graced her face.</p><p>“I’m glad. Sometimes I, do feel guilty for leaving. Rick is a good man, but Alexandria just wasn’t the same anymore.”</p><p>It was Mihconne’s turn to feel a sense of guilt for what Alexandria had become. Rick wasn’t the only one helping to try and keep it together. There was a council and she was part of keeping it secure. But it hadn’t been secure enough for people to feel safe enough to stay.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” she apologized with a bowed head. “We tried to keep things as close to the way they were as possible. I’m sorry it wasn’t enough.”</p><p>“Oh don’t go beating yourself up over it. I don’t blame you, nor do I blame Rick. And I don’t feel ill will towards the people that decided to stay. We took a chance in coming here. I was scared to death, but Joe thought, well, since the Sanctuary had so much, we’d be able to live more comfortably. The war was, hard on him, and I think he wanted to distance himself from that reminder also.”</p><p>Michonne saw no need to pry hard into her husband’s or her view of how Rick had handled it. What mattered was that they were doing well, and from what she could see, they had been.</p><p>“I’m glad you’re living well. That’s the important thing.”</p><p>Franny smiled while nodding happily.</p><p>“We are, and so are the others. I mean it’s easy to assume the worst about this place, and Negan, from the outside, but the man’s been nothing but kind to us.” Michonne paused as she fully zoned in on her words about the believed tyrant. “He checks in on us when he can, making sure we’re getting what’s needed. Not to say that Rick didn’t take care of the people. It’s just that he and Negan were two different people when it came to how they treated others. I know the man was a monster, but after living here for so long, I was able to see that the war changed him, just like it changed Rick. In Negan’s case, it seemed to change him for the better. He’s giving us more. The restrictions on earning points aren’t as harsh, and to a degree neither are the punishments for breaking them. Don’t get me wrong, he’ll still whoop someone’s ass if they get out of line, but that iron I heard he used is gone. He lost people too during that fight, and I can see he wants to make sure that never happens again. I remember the man that strolled up to the gates, ordering his people to take our stuff, and I know he’s still capable of returning to that. But, for the most part, I don’t see it anymore. I see and hear a person trying to help us, rather than a monster trying to scare us.”<br/>Michonne let her words of defense take refuge at the front of her mind. It would have to be the argument the other former Alexandrians shared in order for them to remain. She could believe it as she had seen how nicely the place worked for them, but now it was enhanced from hearing a personal account of how it was. </p><p>“I’m glad,” she answered with a smile. “A war could have made Negan worse afterwards, but I’m glad it had the opposite effect. Sometimes it’s hard to believe that the worse people can change.”</p><p>Her heart swelled for the idea that there was hope for Negan, and that she wouldn’t have to worry about losing any more people should there be some kind of screw up on their part. He’d given Rick a pass and allowed him to live afterall. So, maybe Negan could continue practicing forgiveness even if there was still an air of intimidation about him every time he visited Alexandria. The man needed them to work for him, and he couldn’t appear too soft, otherwise people would try and roll over him.</p><p>“I bet he’s gonna divorce us. That’s what it feels like anyways.”</p><p>Michonne looked around as two women passed by carrying boxes. Though they weren’t dressed in tight black dresses, she knew them to be some of Negan’s wives. She hadn’t even noticed when they’d been allowed to change their attire to something more casual.</p><p>“I don’t know,” said the wife she knew as Frankie. “He still comes around.”</p><p>“But I don’t think he’s interested,” said the other known as Tanya. “It’s been a while since he asked for sex. Face it, he’s not the same with us anymore.”</p><p>Briefly Michonne caught Tanya’s eyes before they slipped out of range. She didn’t read that Tanya was particularly upset from whatever was happening between them. It was just a noticeable change that she seemed hopeful for.</p><p>She bowed her head as she thought of the wives. Negan had claimed in the past that they were here by choice, but it was all motivated by fear. Even if he had changed after the war, she couldn’t help wondering if that was still the case. Maybe they still felt like they had no choice but to continue saying yes to him whether they wanted to or not, or maybe he’d been coming around to what he’d done to the women in the past and made more lenient rules. Negan had stated they were happy to play house with him. Perhaps they were, but maybe Tanya was over it now. If anything, Frankie had appeared conflicted on how she felt about their marriage being over.</p><p>Michonne shook her head in slight annoyance, being that she could picture Negan asking her again to be his wife. If he was really going to end it with the other women, it was obvious why.</p><p> </p><p>A week later, she was called into his office. She speculated that the question would now pop up since there hadn’t been anything major occurring lately. She settled in the chair at the end of the table, watching as he leaned back across from her, looking too uninterested to be in the mood of requesting her hand. </p><p>“Am I in trouble or something?” she started.</p><p>“No. It’s nothing like that. I called you in because, it’s been a month now since you’ve been with us, so technically our deal’s done.”</p><p>In a way this fact nearly escaped her, yet she didn’t feel dread at having been away from home for so long. It almost didn’t feel like a month had passed.</p><p>“I’m aware you’ve already had your chitchat with Carl,” he continued. “I’m fine with that, especially since I promised you, me, and Ricky could all get together to have a conference about him. Thing is, Rick’s currently working his ass off to make sure he has the required offering for my people for the start of the new month, and I’d hate to interrupt his focus by bringing his kid to attention. But that’s not the only reason. I’ve talked to Carl, and he’s made it pretty damn clear that he’s happy right where he is. I’m happy right where he is, so I’m not thrilled about having any kind of discussion that takes him away from me. I look at that kid as my son, and I don’t want to let him go. But I have to consider your feelings too because I know you wanted him back. You’re mama Michonne afterall. Now if you still want to have that talk, I’m afraid it’ll have to be postponed, which means—”</p><p>“I don’t, mind staying longer,” she suddenly blurted out. </p><p>“Really,” he said curiously as he leaned forward. His lips stretched into a devilish grin, making her cheeks flush. </p><p>She dropped her eyes as a strong heat temporarily overwhelmed her form.</p><p>“I understand you’re busy, and I don’t want to add stress to Rick’s current situation, so I don’t mind waiting a little longer.”</p><p>“Finally saw the light of this place, haven’t you sweetheart.”</p><p>Michonne didn’t like the idea of hearing an “I told you so” from the man, but she had to admit that he wasn’t wrong about how she’d come to view the place now.</p><p>“It’s not as bad as I thought it was. I’m learning more and more about it every day. What I am getting is that you are looking out for the people here, and that’s what matters to me.”</p><p>“Well my balls are tickled pink to here you say that darling,” he purred. “Maybe now you’ll consider moving your things up here.”</p><p>“I’m not sure Rick would like that,” she replied in a near joking yet serious manner.</p><p>Negan furrowed his brows a bit as his smile dropped an inch.</p><p>“Seems to me he would be fine with it, considering he hasn’t rolled up here asking for his woman.” </p><p>It was like a blow to hear such a thing, yet she was able to hold her composure. She blinked away the wetness that threatened to come to her eyes.</p><p>“Are you telling me the truth?” she pressed sharply. “He hasn’t, asked about me at all?”</p><p>Negan leaned back, giving the impression that he’d rather not say.</p><p>“No. He asked about you when I went down there for my monthly check of the place. Tried to make a half-assed threat that if I hurt you, I’d be in deep shit.” He laughed and shook his head like it was the biggest joke he’d heard in a long time. “I told him to keep his dick in check and that I hadn’t hurt a hair on your pretty little head. Made it clear you were sticking around of your own volition. I also told him if he didn’t believe me, he could come up here in person to see.”</p><p>“Well. What did he say?” she asked with a suddenly anxiousness.</p><p>“He just gave me a little of that stink eye he loves reserving for me. But it’s weak as fuck now since I permanently smashed those balls of his. He folded like a blanket and said there wasn’t a need for him to come. Said he believed me. Now either he thinks coming up here will cause trouble for you and Carl, or, he’s just that much of a pussy.”</p><p>“I feel like, you’re trying to say something here,” she said carefully. Her eyes were trained on the table, but she slowly lifted them to meet his dark eyes. There was something curious behind the way he was speaking.</p><p>“Now look, I’m not one to want to dictate choices, but I do like to advise them strongly. After my recent visit to your lover’s pad, I strongly advise considering your options.” He got to his feet and started to pace as though this was something that was really weighing on him. “From the lack of fire I’ve seen in Rick’s eyes, I can’t help but think, that that is a true sign of just how little he has to offer anyone anymore. The fight’s done. The passion…that’s all but extinguished. The man holds on to keep working for me, and that’s about as much as he can give. I can’t see him being able to give enough to Carl, and that leads me to believe he sure as shit won’t be able to give enough to you.”</p><p>“That’s not for you to decide!” she yelled. How dare he stand there and insist to her face that her relationship was over. It wasn’t his business. Their private lives were meant to stay private.</p><p>Negan moved in front of the window. He hadn’t even jerked from her sudden burst of anger.</p><p>“No, it’s not,” he agreed. “But I’ve made it my business to care about everyone under my roof, which includes you.” He turned and began walking down the table toward her. “I’d be lying if I said I wouldn’t be worried about who you were returning to. A man that’s gone that empty, is liable to take down everyone with him. Why the hell else would so many of your people leave him? You stand by his side, I guarantee you’ll become the same passionless shell, and it would just break my heart to see that happen.”</p><p>He took her hand in his and began rubbing it gently. She didn’t feel angry enough to pull it away.</p><p>“There’s only so much I can do to make things smooth for Rick. But I sure as fuck can’t get as soft as a teddy bear on a man that tried to take me out. His punishment stands. The deal will always stand. And what it does to Ricky, well that’s on him. I don’t give a fuck about what this is doing to him…but I do give a fuck about what he’ll do to you.”</p><p>The sincerity of his eyes showed just how deeply he had come to care for her. The lack of love in them was what she’d always been used to, and what she’d been expecting, but that wasn’t the case now. Love shined hard and bright in his eyes, which was the opposite of the way Rick’s eyes shined as of late. The fire in him was dim, but there had been just enough there for him to still care for Judith. A dark thought told her maybe that was as far as his fire could spread now. Judith would need her father greatly, but Michonne needed him too. But there was uncertainty of how much Rick could stretch his love for all of his family when he’d become so worn down. </p><p>Michonne looked away and pulled her hand out of his. She wanted to entertain the possibility of stoking the fires again with her lover, but she just didn’t feel the motivation to try. Things were changing. A month away to stay under a man she despised had shifted thoughts and emotions around to the point where she didn’t know what to do; worst of all, she wasn’t sure what to feel when it came to her life in Alexandria. When she thought about what she felt here, she sensed a great rise of curiosity and need. A fresh wave of feelings were awakening in her, and it was for a man that wasn’t Rick.</p><p>She glanced up at him shyly as she asked herself if it was true. Was she really experiencing a preference for what Negan had to offer? Were the fires in her relationship with Rick truly out? Or was there a way to stop these new feelings while avoiding a state of denial?</p><p>“I have a few things to do before I turn in,” she stated mechanically. </p><p>Almost robotically, Michonne got to her feet and made her way to the door. Her mind was suddenly so clogged with a whirlwind of confusion that she didn’t catch Negan’s parting words.</p><p> </p><p>The pillow was clutched tightly against her body as she cried into it. Heavy tears kept rolling down her cheeks as she curled inward even more. Once Rick fully surfaced, she broke. Everything poured out of her at once and she couldn’t hold back. Never had she cried for what was happening to them. Her fingers clutched desperately into the pillow like she was trying to clutch desperately into her partner to keep him from slipping away. She almost couldn’t remember what he felt like, and that scared her.</p><p>An hour or two passed until she was able to slow it down. Sorrow settled in her heart, but it wouldn’t stay as there needed to be room for something else. </p><p>The soft patter of footsteps made their way to her door then. She held her breath as she looked at it, knowing who was on the other side. She didn’t want to deal with him or anyone right now, and she definitely didn’t have the strength to tell him to fuck off. Luckily, said person received her unspoken request as he padded away wordlessly without ever knocking or opening the door. Michonne felt an instance of gratitude for it.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Michonne's realizing hard she's developing feelings for Negan. So happy to get to this point  :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>A heavy weight had been lifted after the strong flow of tears from the previous night. It was strange to think that it was a good thing despite how much of a toll it had taken on her. She could breathe just a little easier, and her mind didn’t feel as clogged. When it came to her heart however, it was still twisting with a swirl of emotions. She rested her fingers against her temple as she struggled to come to terms with this new reality. Was she really, truly, falling for Negan? </p><p>She shook her head at it. No. The offer Negan was making to her in regards to living at the Sanctuary was appealing, but only from the point of mimicking what was happening here to a degree. The people back home needed more than what they were given in order to exhibit the same life. Negan had made it clear it wouldn’t happen since the harsh deal of taking ‘half’ was a standard deal for all. But Alexandria was losing more considering they headed the fight. That being the case, she felt the only solution would be to try and gather supplies from Hilltop and the Kingdom. That meant a new deal would have to be made and passed by Negan as he had forbidden the communities from trying to support Alexandria. She groaned as she made her way to the window. There was little chance of Negan agreeing to it unless such a deal kept Rick down as he was currently. The man was different when it came to the rest of the people in her community. Had he not been, he would never have opened his home to them. </p><p>She didn’t want Rick making some kind of self-sacrifice to appease Negan, yet she would do it herself if it meant the others had a better chance of a more comfortable and secure life. Rick would do it too, being that the guilt of what had befallen his people always stayed within him. What gave her pause was their daughter.</p><p>Every struggle they’d overcome was all for keeping everyone together. That meant the family as well. She had set out on a mission to retrieve the other member of their family, but if Carl was never coming home, and if Rick was taken away for the sake of the community, then she would be alone in raising Judith. She could never see herself doing it as she always expected Rick to be there. But he had given her that talk after she thought she’d lost him to walkers at the carnival. He warned her that she could lose him; she could lose him to this world and she would have to carry on looking after the family. </p><p>She dropped her head as a terrible sorrow filled her heart then. She had lost him in another way, but he was still capable of providing for Judith. She was more than willing to provide for Judith should something happen to Rick, but it was something that never fully stuck in her mind. She folded her arms against herself and sighed heavily as she faced the situation full on. Negan was right about him. Rick was becoming more of a shell day by day, and as much as she wanted to believe that it wouldn’t change his relationship with their daughter, she had to face the hard cold possibility that that connection could be lost as well. If he managed to hang on until Judith was much older, what was to stop her from taking Carl’s route by leaving him if she became disconnected from her father? Michonne didn’t want that for them. She didn’t want that for herself either. In the case of Carl, he hadn’t just uprooted from his dad, he had uprooted from his mother as well.</p><p>Michonne saw the truth of her actions then. After the war, she had put all her weight into helping Rick stay strong so he could be there for his family and friends. It had been about making sure he and the rest kept surviving in every way possible, regardless of what happened to her. After that horrible talk at the carnival, Michonne had later mentally turned the conversation another way. <em>‘No Rick. I can’t lose you. But you’re right. You can lose me. The others need you’</em> </p><p>She had come into the mindset that Alexandria and even her family needed Rick more than they needed her. He was the person everyone looked to most despite the arrangement of a council of others who shared the responsibilities of Alexandria. She had risked her life so many times, especially during the war, because she’d made herself Alexandria’s weapon of defense. She’d thrown herself in front of Saviors to keep Rick, Carl, and Judith alive, willing to take what came her way. That mentally had continued upon surviving. She was always willing to sacrifice her desires and her life in order to protect. But now it was clear that Alexandria needed something more than a weapon of defense. They needed someone who was still intact. Judith needed someone who was still intact. This called for desperate measures, and right now the best solution seemed to be taking Judith away from Rick.</p><p>It caused a tear to leak from her eyes. It wasn’t something she wanted to do, but it might be what needed to happen. She had argued with Negan about what Carl’s separation was doing to his father, but Negan insisted it was better for Rick. He wouldn’t be stretched so far when it came to trying to provide for the family, the community, and the Saviors all at the same time. Maybe it would be less of a strain if Judith wasn’t there. </p><p>
  <em>“A man that’s gone that empty, is liable to take down everyone with him.”</em>
</p><p>What would happen to Judith if she stayed under their roof with Rick? What would happen to her? If Rick came to the point of becoming a truly empty shell, it would be up to her to not only look after and provide for Judith, but Rick as well, and on top of that, the community and the Saviors even with help from others. How long would it take before she succumbed to the same manner of living as her lover? She didn’t want to believe she’d ever lose it even with so much possibly weighed upon her, but she had been there before and could return to it again. Then where would the last Grimes child be?</p><p>Alexandria was gray, and until it could regain its colors, she felt better about removing the child from it. Both Hilltop and the Kingdom were suitable places, and Judith deserved a place that was warmer than her current home. She could take Judith to either one and care for her, giving Rick a chance to restore himself. Rick would not walk away from trying to oversee his people, and there was no telling how long he could remain standing for them as he was. She could take on the full weight of parenting to ease his responsibilities. Rick, naturally, wouldn’t stop so long as Judith was with him. A little time away might make a big difference.</p><p>She released a shaky breath as a shiver ran through her body. She didn’t know if it was the best move. Aside from that, Rick could take it two ways. He might be convinced to agree that it was safer for his youngest child, or he could fall to the idea that it meant he was losing another child regardless if the remaining parent was looking after her. One thing she did not want was Negan being the one to rip Judith out of Rick’s hands. But like everything, the man would have to be informed of her ideas otherwise word would get back to him one way or another, and lead to things being worse for them, or even worse for Rick.<br/>
With her thoughts settled on her family, she headed out of her room to set up her new proposal. </p><p> </p><p>She stopped by his bedroom, but after receiving no answer from knocking, she checked his office. From there she moved through much of the Sanctuary, but she couldn’t locate Negan. She did locate Eugene instructing a few workers on dealing with the ever growling walkers on the fence.</p><p>“Have you seen Negan? I need to talk to him.”</p><p>“I believe our leader in question is occupied by a solo mission,” he replied.</p><p>“Solo mission?” The man normally traveled with a few others whenever he went out. “Where did he go?”</p><p>“Didn’t say. He just informed us that he should make his return before evening.”</p><p>Michonne nodded and left him to his duties. </p><p> </p><p>“I think dad would understand.”</p><p>Michonne leaned backwards against the picnic table as she took in the warm sun as well as the words of her son after sharing her proposal idea. Since Negan still hadn’t returned two hours after asking Eugene, she figured she could roll the idea over someone she trusted deeply.</p><p>“You think so?” she questioned. “I like to think so too, but I’m afraid it’ll do more damage.”</p><p>“Dad would want what’s best for her. If you think it’s too unsecure for her to stay, you can make him see that.”</p><p>She turned around in her seat to face him. His words brought her back to the beginning of her trip to this place.</p><p>“I wonder if I’ll even be able to. If I have to go back without you, I’ll have to convince him that you’re okay here, but I don’t see him believing that.” Carl dropped his head and leaned his hand against it. When he did, he lifted his hat which was enough to get her attention. “Are you really not interested in coming home? You still wear your father’s hat. And that tells me you’re still connected to him, to home.”</p><p>“I never meant to imply that I wasn’t,” Carl said with a slight fierceness. “I’ll always love dad. I’ll always love you, and Judith. I haven’t changed so much that I don’t care. It’s just that I’ve chosen a different home, like the others.” </p><p>He then pulled the hat from his head and turned it a few times while eyeing it closely. </p><p>“Carl?”</p><p>“Maybe it’s time for me to pass it down to my sister,” he said thoughtfully. “Give her something to use when she needs strength.”</p><p>“Why? Are you going somewhere?” she asked with sudden suspicion.</p><p>“No. I still want to be in her life. But, this hat could remind her that I’ll always be there when she needs me, even if I’m away from her.”</p><p>“I see.” Michonne smiled softly then took the hat from his hands and placed it back on his head. “I think you should hold onto it, at least until she gets older. Things are always changing afterall.”</p><p>Carl smiled and nodded at her words. She could tell he understood her implication that he could decide to leave the Sanctuary one day, but he wouldn’t comment on it. She decided not to push further on it. One matter had to be dealt with at a time, and right now the matter was back in Alexandria. Carl was still alive and doing well, and that’s what mattered.</p><p>When evening rolled around, Michonne was perched at the front gates. Negan still had not returned. It wasn’t something that was causing panic inside, yet two Saviors thought it necessary to head out to make sure he wasn’t in a bind of some kind. Going out alone wasn’t something the man ever did apparently, and it wasn’t normal for him to be gone all day.</p><p>She shifted from foot to foot as she kept her eyes trained on the road. It wasn’t concern that was stirring within her. Negan could handle himself. Just because he was taking a while to get back, it didn’t mean something bad had happened to him. So that cold feeling in her belly had nothing to do with being worried about him.</p><p>“Damn it Negan. What are you doing?”</p><p>She gave it another thirty minutes before she headed back inside.</p><p> </p><p>Sleep didn’t come to her in the way that she needed. She was far too restless to drift off peacefully. Her heart was twisting anxiously, making it impossible for her to do anything except stare across at the wall. She told herself it was because she was nervous about what Negan would say about her idea for Rick. He could turn down the idea of requesting relief for the community, leaving her to go behind his back. The only way to know was to talk to Negan and trust that he would allow something, but as far as she knew, he still hadn’t returned.</p><p>Tired of being unable to sleep, she rose from the bed. Perhaps a nightly stroll through the hall would slow her thumping heart.</p><p>Her walk took her in the direction of Negan’s room. Maybe there was a chance he had returned. She walked right up and knocked a few times, then gave it a minute. </p><p>“Not back yet,” she sighed. The cold feeling in her gut returned, stronger.</p><p>She turned in the direction of her room, and as soon as her back was turned, she heard the door open. Negan’s face was just the thing to drop the coldness on a dime. </p><p>“Little late to be sneaking around, or did you stop by because you were finally in need of my bed.”</p><p>Michonne scoffed at the shit-eating grin that greeted her.</p><p>“Neither,” she said flatly. “You were gone all day. I thought I’d see if you came back.”</p><p>Negan opened the door all the way and stepped out to lean against it. The man happened to be shirtless, and she was given a brief view of his bare chest before he crossed his arms over it looking thrilled.</p><p>“Don’t tell me you were worried about me. I’m honored you care so much.”</p><p>“Please,” she started dismissively, even though a wave of relief had rolled through her from the sight of him, “No one can take care of themselves better than you.”</p><p>“You’re not wrong about that shit darling. I’m in the business of making sure I survive for my people. But enough about me. Something on your mind?”</p><p>“Yes, actually.” She took a step forward, ready to get her thoughts off her chest. “I wanted to know if you’d be open to another deal.”</p><p>Negan dropped the flashy smile and straightened up against the door with a look of intrigue. </p><p>“A deal, about Carl?” he assumed.</p><p>“No. About Rick.”</p><p>At that, Negan stiffened, looking on the verge of being pissed. Then he chuckled as if she’d told a mildly offensive joke.</p><p>“Well fuck. Let’s talk about Rick at this ungodly hour of the night.”</p><p>He beckoned her inside. Michonne hesitated considering it was pretty late to have such a discussion. And really, she had only knocked to check that he was back and alright, but she didn’t want to admit that.</p><p>
Negan heaved a heavy sigh as he plopped down in his armchair. He motioned for her to take the one across from him. Again she hesitated, but followed his lead and sat.</p><p>“So, you’re here about Rick,” he said in a tone dripping with skepticism. “I thought I explained the rules about him very goddamn well, but I guess I haven’t.”</p><p>“You explained them fine. I know you won’t change things for Rick, but, I was hoping you’d be willing to change it for my people.” Negan sat forward, giving her closer attention. Michonne twiddled her fingers as she prepped herself before continuing. “Like I’ve said before, this place wasn’t as bad as I thought it was. The people are living comfortably and securely, and much of it is thanks to the communities. Everything they receive is from us, and in return we get, the Saviors’ protection.”</p><p>“Glad you’re finally coming around to my sweet-ass deal. Only took you a damn year,” he said with a dark chuckle.</p><p>“Yeah well, I was hoping you’d be willing to add to that. Have the people of Hilltop and the Kingdom offer up a few supplies to Alexandria.” Negan made like he was going to interrupt with an obvious “no”, but Michonne quickly continued. “It’s not about making things easier for Rick. It’s about the others who are struggling. You keep your home open to anyone who wants to move up here, which means you’re generous. You forgave them for taking part in the war. Some people are afraid to leave their homes, and I think my people would have a better understanding of who you are if you allow this. They’ll be motivated to work harder for you if you give back by letting the other communities help them. Just enough to keep them going…please.”</p><p>Negan leaned back slowly, looking as though he was forcing back anger. He clucked his tongue a few times before leaning his head back with a smirk.</p><p>“Let me get this shit straight. You want me to lift the band on letting the Hilltoppers and the Kingomites give the Alexandrians a foot up, when the Alexandrians were the damn cause of their own misery by starting shit with me? The whole damn war started with your people. They went along with that fucking asshole Rick, and despite that, you want things easier for them?” He scratched at his beard as he appeared to give it more thought. Michonne started to speak but decided it was best to wait. “You know what. You’re right. I do have sympathy for those sorry sons of bitches. And them experiencing more of my kindness could sure as fuck boost morale. But here’s the issue sweetheart. How the hell am I supposed to know they won’t go behind my back and make things easier for Rick the prick by sharing their freebies? The only way I see this working is if I put a guard or two over Rick around the clock. I’m not sure I want to waste my men on that son of a bitch. I’ve done it before, but I prefer my people not to have to settle down in that depressing dump longer than they have to. No offense. I could imprison the prick, but I need him working for me for life. I could pull him up here to do the grunt work, with his permanent stay being a cell here at the Sanctuary. As much as that delights me, there’s the rest of Alexandria to think about. They’d have to elect a new leader out of that council of yours, yet I fucking enjoy Rick staying in charge. The weight of the community on his broken shoulders is part of his sentence. Then there’s his daughter to think about.”</p><p>Michonne dropped her head as she clutched her hands tightly together.</p><p>“I’m thinking about her too. And I thought about what you said. About how empty he’s become. I was thinking it might be best if I take her and care for her away from him, and Alexandria, for a little while. For her sake.” She wouldn’t dare tell him she was also doing it to help her father.</p><p>Negan looked genuinely surprised as well as proud.</p><p>“I’m glad you’ve finally cracked open your eyes to the danger of Rick fucking Grimes. Man seems stable enough to take care of her, but a parent would know best how long that would last. I’ll be sure and fetch a crib for you and have it all decked out in your room. And, you have plenty of hands to help you take—”</p><p>“I’m not saying I would move up here with her. I’m saying I might take her to the Kingdom, or Hilltop. This place is suitable to care for her, but I’ve still got friends in those other communities.”</p><p>She hoped it was a strong enough argument. Right now she couldn’t read anything in Negan’s expression except borderline frustration. After a long minute of nothing, he finally spoke.</p><p>“Why are you still going out of your way to protect him?” he asked flatly.</p><p>Michonne frowned at the unexpected question.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>He leaned forward and moved up in his chair.</p><p>“I’m not a fucking idiot. I know your requests are also about helping Rick get a little life back into his soul. If his people received a few goods, he wouldn’t have to break his back as much for them. If you take Judith, that’s another less concern he has to deal with on the spot. No children and no you means less stress. All Ricky has to do is worry about himself and me. Well that added stress is what makes this work! If Ricky starts to feel too good, what’s to stop him being stupid again? What’s to stop him feeling good enough to take me on a second round?”</p><p>“Negan, it’s not…please. I’m thinking about Judith, and my people.”</p><p>“But you’re also thinking about him,” he said softly. “And it just doesn’t make sense when it’s clear that you don’t have the same feelings for him.”</p><p>Michonne wrinkled up her expression and jumped to her feet.</p><p>“<em>You don’t know what I feel about him</em>,” she hissed. </p><p>The look in Negan’s eyes wasn’t anger or even confusion. There was pity. He was pitting her, and it was something that had her stomach rolling sharply.</p><p>“Michonne,” he said gently. She had barely realized she was breathing quite hard. “You don’t have to pretend with me anymore. I know your heart is broken. And more importantly, I know you’re hoping to have that taste of passion again. Makes sense why you’re going out of your way to get the old Rick back. But you know the truth. You know it’s over.”</p><p>“Why? Because you heard me crying that night,” she said shakily as she thought back to the night she cried for her crumbling relationship. Tears were blurring her sight fast, but she held them at bay as best she could.</p><p>“I knew what you were feeling and going through before that night,” he said slowly. “A good look at Rick, and a strong look at you made it clear to me. If you were still down with Rick, I could see you trying your damnest to get back to him and continue as you were, raising your girl along with him. But you want out, and you’re taking her with you, and not just for Rick’s sake. For Judith, sure. But you can’t tell me there’s not a part of you that needs to leave for you. Maybe you haven’t even realized that’s part of the reason.”</p><p>Michonne was shaking her head as the tears started to fall.</p><p>“No. No that’s not it.” She was doing this for Judith, and for Rick. She still cared. “I love him.”</p><p>Negan dropped his head momentarily, then brought forth a loving smile.</p><p>“I’ve got a confession to make Michonne.” He rose to his feet and slowly closed the gap between them. “I love you.”</p><p>Michonne released a shuttering breath as she gazed back at him hard. Her body remained in place as he closed in on her. She thought she should step away from him after hearing that confession, but something kept he affixed to him. A warmth that was bending and twisting her heart.</p><p>“Negan,” she tried weakly.</p><p>“I’ve fallen for you hard baby, and I don’t think I can turn it off. Tell me you don’t feel something for me after all this time.”</p><p>“Negan, don—”</p><p>“Just one little kiss, and then you’ll know where your feelings really lie.”</p><p>She searched his eyes for a potential trick. Negan was always a sly one, but that wasn’t fully the reason why she froze on the spot. There was something that was happening. There was a powerful interest and even a need to feel those lips again. It was a second chance to analyze why she hadn’t pushed him away when it first happened. </p><p>“Rick and I…”she started, uncertain of why she was confessing at last, “we’re not, like we were…”</p><p>Negan pulled her into his chest as he quietly wrapped his arms around her back.</p><p>“You’re not,” Negan agreed in a whisper. “But what are we?”</p><p>Breath coming out steady and silent, Michonne’s eyes fluttered shut as she leaned forward. This time she made the first move as she wrapped her arms around him and pressed her lips against his. The energy she’d had the first time around returned in a stronger force. Her body relaxed against his as she felt his passion and his excitement from her willingness to give. It only encouraged her to keep it going; pushing in deep and getting lost in a thrill that had been gone for so long.</p><p>She was practically breathless when they broke apart, as was he. She dropped her hands down to his arms as she steadied herself by focusing on her feet. Her mind was a whirl of thoughts and her heart was racing painfully hard.</p><p>“Negan…I…”</p><p>“Yeah…I feel it too,” he whispered. She looked up at him and met his smiling face. “This was meant to be.”</p><p>It was hard for her to put everything she was experiencing into words. All she could do was search his eyes and ask herself over and over again if this was really what she wanted, after everything he had done.</p><p>Negan gave her a slight frown, and the smile dropped just an inch.</p><p>“I get you’re scared of what this means for you. Taking a step forward can be scary as fuck. But the way I see it, you can either turn your back and miss out on what you’re obviously looking for, or you can open your eyes to what’s laid out right in front of you. You know what you need, and I am all about giving it to you, long, hard…and slow.”</p><p>Michonne clutched at his arms in a desperate way as she continued to take him in. Her heart wouldn’t stop pounding.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Everything changed from that point; from the moment she sought the truth out of herself by leaning in to taste his lips again; from his confession of love and his confident insistence that they were meant to be together. Negan was no longer just some passing ruling bastard that symbolized nothing but pain and tragedy. He was a manifestation of what she wanted from Rick, but so much more. </p><p>It was clear that Negan could be as passionate as he was, but unlike Rick, she saw the hidden beast that was eager to go wild inside him. From his personality alone it was obvious he wouldn’t be quiet in bed. Any of his wives might have experienced a chaotic rush as Negan unleashed himself within their forms. Already he was a man that was difficult to take at times, and Michonne reasoned it had to be truer in the bedroom.</p><p>Four days had passed since the night she realized her real feelings about him. In that time, she hadn’t acted further on them. Negan had made a small attempt to push for more from her, most notably his attempt to hear that she loved him as well, but she gave him nothing. She couldn’t say she loved him like that, but she also couldn’t say the feeling of affection wasn’t growing day by day. Though her mind was afloat with images of Negan, she was refraining from acting on anything. The requests she’d made was still at stake and so far Negan had made no clear decision about it. His face would fall whenever she tried to return to business with him, and he would tell her he was still working on it or he was too busy to discuss it further at the moment.</p><p>Afterwards she would feel scared that she had made the wrong move by distancing herself from the feelings between them. </p><p>“You don’t have to worry,” he told her at one point, looking close to being a kicked puppy. “The world doesn’t have to know that the badass samurai warrior fell for the awesome bat-wielding Savior. We’ll keep it between us.”</p><p>He’d made to scoop her into his arms again, but she took a step back with her eyes downcast. It had felt good to be in his arms. There was security there, and a nice heat coming from his skin. <br/>“I just need a little time. Please.”</p><p>He gave her that even if he was disappointed. And when he was disappointed, she felt bad about it. The line wasn’t fully an excuse. What he was asking of her was serious, but she couldn’t throw herself his way; not when she was still connected to others.</p><p> </p><p>Life went on at the Sanctuary with all residents so far unaware of their leader’s attraction to her. If she passed by him when he was with some of his workers, he fought against glancing at her out of the corner of his eye. She did the same, usually. </p><p>Rumors of Negan having divorced his wives was thriving on the other hand. It made her nervous to a degree as she feared it wouldn’t take much for any of them to figure out Negan had developed a soft spot for someone who had to be new, and she was the only one that fit that bill. The wives would give her a few questioning looks, but no one ever accused her of stealing him away. Though the thought put the mildest smirk on her face. To think she was special enough to him to make him ditch his gaggle of gals. It was crazy what her trip had turned into not only for her, but for him as well. If she went home now, what would he do in the wake of her absence? Would he remarry the women, or would he just try to carry on? That was another danger of giving in and leaving. Her home wasn’t here, and if she started something then left…it could undo his potential for being a better man. Maybe he became so hurt that he took it out on his communities in the worst way; like in the old days when he was lining people up for his bat.</p><p>She shivered as she briefly found herself there again, kneeling on the cold hard ground, glaring up as he paced in front of them. And then he’d made his choices. Her lower lip trembled and her stomach did a somersault. How horrible it was to feel so intensely for a man that had taken them away. Wasn’t it disrespectful to their memories?</p><p>But, they had all done harsh things to get by. Even if they were trying to save a life by going after Negan’s men, they weren’t fully clean. Dark things had been done before Negan even made it into the picture. So in a weird way, she could view herself as on the same page as him. She could be ruthless if she needed to be, but from her family, from Rick, she had learned there was another way to handle this world. She didn’t want to change that about herself, and being with Negan felt like it would guarantee a change.</p><p> </p><p>On a random afternoon stroll, she unconsciously walked near the garden. It stole her attention as she thought back to working with Negan. The first real connection they’d had, stemmed from there.</p><p>“Michonne.”</p><p>Her heart did a flip from the loving way he said her name. She turned and found him watching her closely from a careful distance. Clearly he was afraid to get close and scare her off.</p><p>“Negan,” she greeted evenly, though it came out stiff.</p><p>“Look, I don’t want to push you on anything, but it’s killing me not to know.”</p><p>“Know what?” She braced herself for another round of him trying to get a love confession out of her.</p><p>“Are we still friends?”</p><p>She blinked at him curiously before finding the question mildly amusing.</p><p>“I…I’m not sure I ever classified us that way. I came to tolerate you, then I…” Her cheeks flushed and she averted her eyes. “I’m not sure what to call us Negan.” </p><p>He sagged a bit at such an admission. But a second later the Cheshire grin was back, forced.</p><p>“Well, I think it’s safe to say we are no longer enemies. But it’d be nice if we were more.”</p><p>Those dark yet sparkling eyes of his rolled over her body, taking in every curve and possibly imagining how it all looked underneath the clothing. He clicked his tongue and shook his head like he was sorry he had to miss out. Then with a cheeky smile, he strolled away while whistling a seductive sounding tune. </p><p>Something about it made her burst into a quiet kind of laughter under her breath. No matter what she’d said, Negan would keep trying, because that’s how much he’d come to care for her. There was a weird charm to it, and had she not gotten to know him more, she would’ve been pissed that the man was so stubborn about it. </p><p>She wrapped her arms around herself. How good it was to feel so pleasant and in good spirits. How good it was to feel…so loved.</p><p> </p><p>That pleasant feeling followed her to bed, but it wasn’t enough to make her drift off to sleep. A light smile played across her face as she summed up her time at the Sanctuary thus far. A place that she thought was steeped in misery, turned out to be capable of breathing new life into her. And the thing most responsible for it, was the man over it all. She twirled a dred between her fingers as her heart thumped from the thought of him. </p><p>“Damn,” she muttered, but not in a tone of anger. </p><p>It was somewhat mind-blowing that she had come to feel so strongly about Negan. There was no pushing it aside anymore. And as much as she hated it, he was right about her having certain needs. The lust, the love, had trickled to nothing back home. Just a taste of it, like a kiss, helped greatly.</p><p>She rolled onto her back and stared up at the ceiling. That was wrong. At this point, a kiss wasn’t enough. She wanted, no, needed to be touched. She desired that deep connection that she could only get with a lover. And since Negan was available, and because her heart flipped at the idea of him, he was perfect to fulfill her. He had offered several times to give her what she wanted, but she was afraid to cross that line.</p><p>
  <em>“The world doesn’t have to know…”</em>
</p><p>It was true. No one had to know. Only she did. It was something that made her pause, yet her body was trembling with a powerful urge to just go to him; to not think about anything except what he could do for her. Because if she didn’t go now, where would she be later?</p><p>The answer in her mind was grave, which was why she reasoned she had to satisfy herself in order to make it. There didn’t have to be an extended relationship between them. It was a one night deal.<br/>With a huff of resolve, she got out of bed and went straight for the door.</p><p>Michonne padded down the hall, barefoot and in nothing but a violet spaghetti strap tank top and dark shorts. One of the wives had offered them to her for night wear, and she was at least grateful it wasn’t anything too revealing. The idea of wearing any overtly sexy outfit while at the Sanctuary during the daytime was disturbing to her considering the type of men some of the Saviors were, including Negan. Now it was laughable considering what she had in mind to do. She was anxious about it, yet certain.</p><p>Negan’s room quickly came into sight. It was like her heart had stopped when she stopped before his door. Mouth slightly dry, she lifted her hand and knocked. She willed him to be ready for her, then she smirked with the reminder that that wouldn’t at all be a problem. Negan was always in the mood for anything sexual. The question was if she was truly ready for him.</p><p>Like before, Negan was shirtless when he opened the door. The flat expression brightened upon seeing her. </p><p>“Well isn’t this a sweet surprise,” he greeted. “Or, maybe it’s not if you came to talk about Rick some more.”</p><p>“I’m not here about Rick,” she said cautiously. “I’m here, about you.”</p><p>The frown came first, showing that he was worried he’d done something to tick her off. Then it softened as he stepped back.<br/>“Come on in. One of my favorite subjects is myself afterall.”</p><p>Reeling with anticipation, she stepped inside. </p><p>Nervousness took ahold of her once the door was closed. It was now or never. Any excuse to leave would be weak, and Negan certainly wouldn’t buy it. He’d proven to be practically perfect at seeing through her no matter what she said or how she acted. Even now, he was reading her like a book as a playful smile danced on his face.</p><p>“Am I in trouble for shit I wasn’t aware I did?”</p><p>Her eyes temporarily dropped to the floor as she shifted around awkwardly on the spot.</p><p>“No. I…I was considering what you said. I do have needs. Certain needs that were once fulfilled.” She gazed hard into his dark eyes, willing him to mentally understand without her having to spell it out. Negan was giving her the same concentrated gaze, but showed no signs that he’d caught on. The man was good at hiding it when he wanted to. “I’ve gotten lonely, and I didn’t want to admit that.”</p><p>She wouldn’t add more to her statement. Negan knew from the way the corner of his lips rose.</p><p>“Damn,” he chuckled. He quietly moved away from the door he’d been leaning against. “I’m glad you were able to admit it to yourself. I’ve been lonely too, even with my wives. Ex-wives now. But you don’t have to feel that way anymore. And being that you’re here in my room late at night, I gather you’re ready to feel loved again. <em>Truly</em>, loved. Or maybe I’m wrong. Maybe this is one big cock tease.”</p><p>He stopped within arm’s reach of her now that he was suspicious of her intensions. Michonne gave him a sly smile before grabbing for the end of her top and slowly raising it over her head. With her eyes set on his, she threw it off to the side. His eyes widened just a little, then it shifted to a look of pride. They sparkled with excitement as she stood before him, completely topless. Her double Ds were on full display, and she showed no apologies for it. Following her top was her shorts, along with her underwear. They too were tossed off to the side.</p><p>“Goddamn!” Negan exclaimed, thrilled as he leaned back to fully take in her gorgeous naked figure. He was beside himself, and if she had to guess, his brain had possibly malfunctioned. “I must be dreaming, and if I am, I sure as fuck don’t wanna wake up.”</p><p>“Does this look like a cock tease?” she teased. She protruded her chest just a bit to heat him up even more.  The simple movement turned him on to maximum.</p><p>“Fuck no.”</p><p>He closed the space between the immediately and in an instant his lips were smashing into hers hungrily. His finger clutched at her with a happy kind of desperation. Michonne pressed into him further. She delighted in the way her breasts rubbed against his bare chest and the way it fueled him. The man was practically devouring her lips and it couldn’t have been more pleasurable, more passionate. </p><p>“Fuck,” Negan quickly exclaimed before going in for more.</p><p>His fingers danced up and down her back as she held onto him. A minute later they were moving southward at a steady speed. Negan left her lips in favor of tasting her neck. Her eyes fluttered open as her senses were quickly overcome by his musk. This body touching hers so strongly was like the medicine she didn’t realize she’d craved. She squeezed along his arms as if to make herself further aware that this was really happening. That she had chosen Negan and he was in her arms, kissing and loving her in a way that was filling her soul. She gasped sharply as his hands edged around the curve of her ass cheeks. The fingers pressing inward, giving them a firm squeeze that excited her more.</p><p>“Fuck baby…you feel so…damn good,” he managed to say in-between the storm of kisses. </p><p>He moved to her front and nestled his forehead into her chest as he took a moment to catch his breath. His fingers never stopped feeling. They felt out the shape of her body, enjoying the dips and softness. Negan raised his head and planted a kiss in the middle of her chest before planting one on each boob.</p><p>“God you’re gorgeous.” More kisses rained down on the spot, causing a tingle to travel up the full length of her body. Michonne wrapped her arms around him tightly as she dropped her head back to take it all in. “The hell you had me wait so long for this.”</p><p>His hands cupped her breasts as the hits of affection dotted a line down to her stomach. Unable to help herself she moaned and ran her fingers through his dark hair.</p><p>“Was it worth the wait?” she asked in a far off tone. No longer did she feel as though she was planted on the ground. She was floating in warmth and she didn’t want to come back down. </p><p>“You’re worth everything,” he growled.</p><p>He sought out her shapely form once more as his hands roamed up and down. She issued a laugh of delight when he suddenly picked her up and brought her down upon his bed. He wasted no time in devouring her lips again, showing just how hungry he was for her. She was hungry too. It was like she couldn’t get enough. </p><p>Negan left her lips again in favor of traveling below her belly button. When he hit her spot, her world exploded in a blaze of shooting stars. She arched as his mouth took her in. Her breath came out in gasps from the wonderful feeling of his tongue and the gentle breeze of his hot breath.</p><p>“Fuck…” she gasped. She was barely holding on as she clutched into the sheets of the bed. “Don’t stop.”</p><p>“I don’t intend to.”</p><p>He raised himself off of her to her disappointment, but she quickly saw what he intended as he worked his boxers off himself. Negan’s cock was full and standing at attention, ready for entry. She panted hard as she looked back at his grinning face. </p><p>“Look at you,” he said silkily as he analyzed the ebony skinned goddess lying in waiting atop his bed. “All laid out like the super-hot badass that you are. Goddamn!”</p><p>He crawled toward her like the predator he always made himself out to be. Michonne felt her heartbeat pick up as he closed in once more. Every nerve was tingling. Negan climbed on top of her with a quiet kind of awe. Michonne maintained eye contact with him the entire time, only breaking when he dipped in for a long lingering kiss.  He blanketed her form almost completely as she wrapped her arms around him and pulled him in tighter. </p><p>She was happy for the sweet kiss she was receiving, but a second later he reminded her it wouldn’t be the only thing she’d be receiving from him. A familiar prod nudged against her opening, begging for entrance. The small spasm of her body told him he had permission to enter, and he did so, slowly. </p><p>The long kiss was broken as she gasped and threw her head back from the length that was coming into her. Briefly she questioned her ability to take his size, but her body was so open and wet that there was little effort for him to get inside. A shuddering gasp passed her lips as her eyes rounded. Negan gave a soft grunt, his face contorted with need. More and more he moved his length inward until all her interior knew was Negan.</p><p>“A perfect fit,” he purred.</p><p>Her shuddering gasp turned into hiccups of excitement. So much of him was inside, filling her to capacity. Once he was as deep as he could go, breath coming out in huffs of anticipation, he focused on her hard.</p><p>“Don’t pass out on me already, baby. I’m just getting started,” he teased huskily.</p><p>“Fuck,” she gasped. She was still acclimating to what she was feeling and what was about to happen. Negan seemed to know, which was why he was giving her a small breather.</p><p>The line was crossed, and her choice was fully made then. She relaxed and readied herself even more, and as soon as she did, Negan took her.</p><p>He grounded down hard as he pulled out and pushed back inside with a jolt that had her quaking and crying out. Negan gave the impression that the full animal was about to come out as he issued a possessive growl. His hips rotated carefully to rock into her with a steady pace. The gentleness of his movements caught her off guard, yet the careful way he handled himself within her seemed to express his wish to ease her into it first. Michonne had an appreciation for it as his silky maneuvers left her a moaning puddle of pleasure beneath him. She would have taken it this way all night, but it changed when Negan began to pick up his thrusts.</p><p>With a deep intake of breath, her pleasure increased as Negan made his power known. He panted hard and loud as his hips went into overdrive, pushing harder and deeper into her being. A cry of ecstasy was released from her as her heart thumped wildly in her chest. Her legs wrapped tightly around his waist as she sunk further into the wildly bouncing bed from the rush of passion. She had been used to a calmer approach in the past, but Negan was showing her another level she didn’t know she needed; one that was primal and suited her fantastically.</p><p>“Fuck,” she gasped, eyes closed as she reveled in the aggressive approach.</p><p>There wasn’t enough air in the room. How one man could fill her up to the point of bursting was beyond her, and he hadn’t even cum yet. His energy was believable, and yet it was surprising. </p><p>“Bet you…wished…you had…asked for me…sooner,” Negan managed to tease between heavy breathing.</p><p>“Shut up,” she shot back breathily.</p><p>Speaking wasn’t important now. She wasn’t even sure how he could. Her mind, let alone body, could barely keep up with his unforgiving thrusts. A second scream tore from her throat before her body unconsciously moved to meet his rapid movement. The heat of their grinding bodies egged her on further, creating moans of desire and whines of need to escape her. It was harmony to Negan’s ears as he seemed to go even faster, using the last of his strength for his newfound queen. </p><p>“Ne…Negan…Negan.” She clung to him further, sweaty cheek pressed against him hard.</p><p>“Yeah…I’m close.”</p><p>Her body tightened up and arched into him as the climax was reached. Seconds later he was spilling into her, thick and heavy. </p><p>The cry she gave might have given someone the impression that she was in pain. In truth, it was a cry of relief. The satisfaction that filled her was immense. As she breathed heavily she stared up at the ceiling as an overwhelming flow of love filled her heart. It really had been too long since she experienced any of it.</p><p>Negan collapsed atop her and vocalized pleasure in nuzzling her breasts. Michonne touched his cheek tenderly and gave him a few more kisses on the lips.</p><p>“I hope I didn’t disappoint,” Negan started jokingly as he smiled at her. “From the look on your face, I didn’t.”</p><p>She smiled and leaned back into the pillows.</p><p>“You didn’t have any doubts.”</p><p>“True,” he admitted with a shrug. “I’m just happy I finally get to show the woman I love how much I fucking love her. The wait was definitely fucking worth it.”</p><p>She ran her fingers through his hair as he dotted kisses along her chest. Everything was changed now, and all because she had given in to Negan. She had walked into his room, shed her clothes, and invited him to do as he had hoped. But right now she had no regrets about it. Right now she was feeling only pleasure and love for the man coating her. <br/>She dropped her head back against the pillows with her eyes shut and willed away that little voice that wanted to tell her this wasn’t the right man to love, because right now, Negan felt like the one.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>We finally got to the inevitable between these two. I originally thought of breaking it off into two chapter, but decided it was better to keep it all as one. I'd written a sex scene on a previous Michonne/Negan fic, so I wanted to try and make it different the second time of writing one for this story.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Chapter 12</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When the morning light struck her closed lids, she groaned and tightened her eyes against it. She felt movement in the bed next to her, signifying a body had just gotten up and left her side. As she opened her eyes, he heard him giving a loud yawn. Reality seemed to set in slowly as she looked across the room to a wall that was not her bedroom. She wasn’t home, and she wasn’t in her room in the Sanctuary.</p><p>Her heart thumped a little quicker with the memory of what had occurred the previous night. It was a memory that froze her in place.</p><p>“Rise and shine sweetheart,” came Negan’s gruff voice.</p><p>She rolled onto her back and immediately met his lips touching down upon hers. The man was all smiles and still very much naked, as was she. </p><p>“Morning,” she greeted slowly, though no smile was plastered upon her face.</p><p>“Baby, I expect there’ll be a lot more good mornings to wake up to, if the previous night is anything to go by.”</p><p><em>‘It was one night’</em> she told him mentally, as if to clarify that this might not happen as often as he thought it would. But as she came more awake and aware, she was greeted with the pleasant feeling of warmth. She took a deep breath and raised herself up.</p><p>One night of incredible love making was over, unless she was in it for the long haul. She couldn’t see that happening unless she was willing to give up so much. Her stomach lurched as Rick suddenly materialized in her head. He was still expecting her. He still needed her, and so did the rest of Alexandria. And now she had made a move that tore her heart in two. She had viewed fulfilling a physical and emotional as a one-time thing, but it couldn’t be that simple. She felt so strongly for Negan now, but she had yet to utter an “I love you” back to him. Maybe she just wasn’t fully there yet because she wasn’t ready to commit. Negan clearly thought otherwise. The man had dumped his wives and quickly let his feelings be known, all in the hopes that he would have her as soon as possible. He had fallen for her within the span of a month and a half while she had been struggling with the feelings in her heart. Last night set it straight for Negan. She had come to him afterall. She had made the first move that landed her in the position she was now; naked in his bed, with a rising guilt overcoming her core. </p><p>Negan walked to the window and pushed the curtains aside to let in more light. It shone down on his form beautifully. </p><p>“Holy fuck,” he started exuberantly. “I can’t remember the last time I ever woke up this good. How about you?”</p><p>Michonne met his eyes then straightened up.</p><p>“Can’t you tell? I…I haven’t, felt that way in a long time.”</p><p>Negan smiled lovingly as he faced her more from across the room. </p><p>“I know how I come across to the women here. Sex is like a primal need for me. But there’s more that I need than a good time in bed, which is why none of them were on the level of Lucille.”</p><p>Michonne furrowed her brow at him, sensing he was going somewhere major.</p><p>“Are you suggesting that I am?”</p><p>“Well fucking yes I’m suggesting,” he exclaimed. “More than suggesting.”</p><p>He walked over to the dresser, appearing to open it, but he paused and bowed his head thoughtfully. </p><p>“I’ve told my wives I’ve loved them before. It goes with the territory naturally. I mean you don’t marry someone unless you love them. But it’s different with you. It feels more real with you.” He stopped as a small smirk crossed his lips. “In a way I’m tickled pink that after coming here and seeing what I have to offer, you chose me over Rick. Now to me it’s no contest, but—”</p><p>“Negan,” she warned. The last thing she wanted was for Negan to mention Rick. It had been enough to get her heart racing again.</p><p>“Sorry. I just mean, I’m honored, and I want to show that. I want to take this a step further.”</p><p>She knew where he was going with this and it had her heart racing for a different reason. She wasn’t ready for this. It was too soon.</p><p>He reached into the top drawer of his dresser and pulled out something small. Then with a seriousness to his demeanor, he turned and began moving toward her.</p><p>“Michonne…”</p><p>He trailed off as the door suddenly opened, and in walked the last person she ever expected to see so early. </p><p>“Negan, I came by to…”</p><p>Carl trailed off as his eyes landed on his mother, sitting in Negan’s bed and wrapped only to the waist in his sheets. She had been so surprised to see him that she was late in realizing she was completely topless.</p><p>“Shit!”</p><p>She quickly grabbed the sheets and covered herself as she curled inward shamefully.</p><p>“I’m sorry!” Carl apologized as he jumped back and looked away after snapping into the realization of what he had seen. “I…I thought Negan was…oh god.”</p><p>Out of all of them, Negan was the calm one as he easily strolled over to grab his dropped boxers.</p><p>“Nothing to get your nuts all twisted about folks. Ain’t it normal for a guy to have a sleep over? Especially when it’s with his fiancé?”</p><p>Wide-eyed, Michonne turned sharp eyes on him and met his saucy grin. Breath coming out in gasps, she turned to Carl who looked just as stunned. When he looked to her, he couldn’t hold her gaze for long.</p><p>“Yeah. We can talk later. It’s not that important.”</p><p>“Carl,” she cried desperately. She wanted to try and explain on the stop while also setting the record straight that she wasn’t the Savior leader’s fiancé, but he had already walked out the door. “Oh god.” </p><p>That was it. The one thing she wouldn’t want getting out, had escaped before she could even blink. It wasn’t that she didn’t trust Carl not to keep quiet about what he’d seen. She didn’t see him spreading the word, no matter how chummy he might have gotten with some of the Saviors. It was the fact that it was one person that had found out, and what made it so much worse was that it was her son. Horror encompassed her soul as she clutched her face.</p><p>“Oh god. Fuck.”</p><p>“It’s okay baby,” Negan assured her gently. He settled on the bed and reached out for her shoulder. “Carl’s not gonna go blabbing about how his momma needed the taste of a real dick inside her from the master of the house.”</p><p>“No, it’s not about that, it’s!” She wasn’t sure how to put it all into one word. All she could say was the name. “Rick.”</p><p>Negan stiffened and pulled his hand away.</p><p>“Look. I understand that you’re upset about getting caught—”</p><p>“I need to talk to him. I need to talk to Carl.”</p><p>She threw aside the sheets and made for her clothes. She wasn’t even sure how she was going to start explaining. The kid’s mind was probably going a mile a minute, as was hers. That only fueled her to hurry getting dressed. </p><p>“Michonne—”</p><p>“Don’t,” she insisted quickly. “I’ve got to catch Carl.”</p><p>Only after she was fully clothed did she look over at the man. The deflated look on his face moved her to feeling bad. With a sigh, she walked over to him and kissed his cheek softly. </p><p>“I’m sorry. I just…I…”</p><p>Negan brought a grin to his face before pulling her in for a long kiss on the lips.</p><p>“It’s okay. Go talk to your kid. We can continue with us, later.”</p><p>Michonne stepped away hesitantly. She knew what she had most likely interrupted for him, but it could wait. Her thoughts were set on one thing at this moment.</p><p> </p><p>It didn’t take her long to track him down. Carl had settled himself against a wall in the shadow of the Sanctuary. With his head down, he looked to be deep in thought as he twiddled his fingers. Michonne watched him from a short distance away, feeling nervous about approaching him. Though he hadn’t walked in on them having sex, it was still just as embarrassing. But she ground herself and forced herself to walk over. A smidgen of anger made itself present from the fact that Carl just barged into the room without even knocking. Carl had never done something like that back home. He always knocked, and if she and Rick happened to be in bed at the time, they were decent before they allowed him entry.</p><p>“Carl,” she started. Her voice had broken only slightly. </p><p>Slowly he rose his head and met her eyes. His expression seemed quite neutral. He didn’t look pissed or betrayed, but despite that, she was still anxious.</p><p>“I’m, sorry,” she continued.</p><p>“I should, be the one to say that,” he countered. “Negan always insisted I never have to knock if I needed to see him. Didn’t matter if he was with someone or not. I just didn’t expect to…well, see you.”</p><p>“I didn’t expect it either.” Her cheeks heated up then, and she had to avert her eyes from him for a minute. Across the grounds she watched as two of Negan’s ex-wives chatted with one another, oblivious to the fact that she had truly replaced them. She had been where they were, in Negan’s bed, making love.</p><p>“I didn’t tell anyone,” Carl said, interrupting her thoughts. “I won’t.”</p><p>“I wasn’t worried about you telling anyone. I…” She paused as a small voice in her head informed her that he could very well tell his dad. It didn’t matter if he hadn’t been home for ages. This could be the thing that made him go back.</p><p>She blinked back the growing wetness of her eyes as Rick, once again, became prominent in her head. She wasn’t sure how she could face him again. </p><p>“It’s about dad,” Carl correctly guessed quietly. </p><p>She nodded at him slowly before settling on the ground next to him with a shaky breath. The ball was in her court to start explaining. The alternative was to tell him it was her business, but she was always one to keep him informed on any changes in her life. However, that hadn’t been the case at all when she had first hooked up with Rick. They’d been caught in the spur of the moment, and even back then, Carl had found out about them in a manner similar to the way he’d found out about her and Negan. He hadn’t caught her naked, but he had put two and two together when she and Rick had hurried out of the bedroom, half dressed, to investigate the reason of Jesus suddenly appearing in their bedroom. She wasn’t sure she could say that she and Negan had just been caught in the spur of the moment; not when she had willingly gone to his room to start something.</p><p>“I guess the easiest way to explain this is to be honest about what’s been happening between me and your father.” She took a deep breath before continuing her confession. “I didn’t want to admit it to myself, but, we’ve been growing apart. It’s not the same between us. It wasn’t why I left. I came for you, but the longer I stayed here, the more I got to know the man in charge of this place. I reached a point where I didn’t see him as a monster. There was more to him. I didn’t see it coming. I felt it. I felt myself starting to feel for him. I felt, like I needed from him what I no longer had with your father. So I went to him.” She swallowed heavily just as the tears started to run down her face. She wiped a few away and bowed her head. “I gave in to him because I…”</p><p>“Love him,” Carl finished. </p><p>She turned to him with wide-eyes, concerned that he was about to rage at her for cheating on his father, but he still looked rather calm. </p><p>“Before I left, I couldn’t help feeling that it was different between you and dad. I didn’t think it was right to say anything.”</p><p>“I’m sorry you had to find out this way,” she apologized. “If your father and I had worked things out, this wouldn’t have happened.” Her heart was beating wildly at the thought of not having that chance with Negan if she had resolved her relationship with Rick, and that only made it all the more worse. </p><p>“Maybe it’s like they say,” Carl assumed. “The heart wants what the heart wants.”</p><p>“You’re suggesting that I want to stay with Negan.”</p><p>“Don’t you?” he asked, sounding mildly surprised. “You’ve come to understand him now, the way I have. I’ve gotten to know him to the point of wanting to stay. Things aren’t the same between me and dad either, but I don’t see myself going back.”</p><p>Michonne didn’t have the desire to jump onto the subject to make the argument of why he needed to come home. It had been her whole purpose; to come to the Sanctuary and talk him into going back with her. But after last night, after opening herself up to the new feelings she had for Negan, she couldn’t push herself back to that mission. How could she ask him to come home when her heart was now here with the Sanctuary, with Negan?</p><p>“I see it in your face,” Carl continued. “You’re not going back home either.”</p><p>Michonne revved herself up to disagree boldly, but fell speechless. </p><p>“Right now, I don’t feel as angry as I think I should be. I think I’m still in shock.”</p><p>“That’s understandable.” The burning in her cheeks intensified.</p><p>“I do feel bad for dad. When I left, I didn’t worry for him, because you were there. But if you don’t go home, what’s going to happen to him? What’s going to happen to Judith?”</p><p>Her heart couldn’t feel heavier. Easily she could picture Rick, sinking in the shadows because of her choice. As for Judith, she didn’t want to leave her behind. She released another shaky breath as she looked down at herself.</p><p>“If, you really aren't going home,” Carl continued slowly, “then, I’ll go home, for him. I’ll try and make things right with dad.”</p><p>She shut her eyes for a minute and issued a sad little laugh. It was amazing what it took to get Carl to reach the point of heading back to his father. But she didn’t want it to be the reason he went home.</p><p>“I would like it if you talked with your father, but not because of me. I don’t know what’s going to happen. The last thing I want to do is hurt Rick, or you, or Judith.” She turned to him then as a sudden rise of determination filled her. “I going to try and resolve this, and come to terms with what I’ve done. But, I don’t want you to worry about me or your dad. This is something we have to handle, not you.”</p><p>“I get it.”</p><p>She couldn’t quite read the expression on his face now. If anything he appeared conflicted on how to take all that he had heard. There was more that could have been said, but for now, they let it rest. The awkwardness of what had transpired was rising and making her shift uncomfortably beside him. Carl pushed himself to his feet just as it got very intense.</p><p>“I’ve got to get back to work,” he said as casually as possible while dusting off his pants.</p><p>“Yeah,” she weakly replied.</p><p>“And don’t worry. I know everything will work out okay.”</p><p>She smiled softly at him. The kid always had a way of staying positive.</p><p>“I hope so.”</p><p>She stayed where she was a little while longer. Sooner or later she would have to approach Negan, or she could try and slip away in order to confess to Rick. She could only imagine what he was thinking after her time away. Did he really trust what Negan had said about her? One way or another, she was sure he hadn’t given up on her, and that in turn made her stomach churn sickeningly with guilt.<br/>
After about an hour, she rose to her feet and wandered away. There was no particular destination in her mind. She just wanted to move and work out her next move alone.</p><p>“Michonne.”</p><p>She froze at the sound of Negan behind her. It didn’t seem possible that her heart could beat so hard. Still, she wouldn’t let it show.</p><p>“I’ve been looking for your fine ass. Did you talk to him?”</p><p>“Y-yes. I did.”</p><p>“And how’d he take it?” Negan seemed mildly concerned that Carl wouldn’t approve.</p><p>“He was, still pretty shocked about it, but it could’ve been worse. I think he’ll be okay.”</p><p>“We’ll ain’t that a relief,” he said, chuckling softly. “I was pretty sure the kid would be okay. I’ve been telling him sticking your dick in a fine woman is nothing to be uncomfortable about, which is why I never minded when he came in my room while I was doing one of the misses. That kid’s gonna be a man while living here. But now that that shit’s all cleared up, time to get back to other shit. The one I’m most eager to get to.”</p><p>“Negan, before you…”</p><p>She went silent as the man reached into his pocket while dropping down to one knee. Her heart may have just stopped.</p><p>“Baby, I know this is all sudden, but I’m the kind of guy that pounces when I see something I need. I’m not the type to hold back, or wait for some perfect, beautiful moment. That’s why I wanted us to make it official now.” Negan revealed the thing she expected to see; a small box with an engagement ring inside. Something told her it wasn’t a ring that got passed around between all the women who soon became his wives. It had to be the thing he fetched before returning to the Sanctuary so late. “I want you to know this isn’t just about last night. If anything, it showed me even more that we’re meant to be together. I love you Michonne, and I know you feel the same way about me. Do me the honor of becoming my one and only wife. I promise to do everything in my power to keep you safe and happy.”</p><p>Michonne was as still as a deer caught in the headlights. All she could do was stare at Negan as the ring glinted in the sunlight.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Chapter 13</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was with a heavy heart that Michonne drove back to Alexandria. The drive was long and slow as she was in no hurry to return home. There was nothing but dread mounting within her as she ran over what she could possibly say to the man waiting for her. If that wasn’t enough, Negan’s proposal lingered in the back of her mind. </p><p>No. She told him no. She had told him that she would have to think about it, but Negan translated her claim to being turned down. As his smile slowly slipped to show clear disappointment, her heart tore for him. An attempt was made to ease his feelings as she folded his fingers against the ring.</p><p>“Why don’t you hold onto it for me,” she advised him softly. </p><p>She couldn’t forget the way his saddened eyes dropped down to the ring that was curled into his palm. </p><p>“You don’t have to break my balls with the old ‘I have to think about it’ excuse.” His words came out gruff as he quickly pocketed the ring out of sight.</p><p>She really didn’t know what to say afterwards. All she could do was inform him of the ties that still had her bound in place. He knew who she was referring to, and it didn’t make it any better. But he forced a smile of acceptance.</p><p>“Okay sweetheart. You go settle your ties, and when you finally dump that sad useless prick once and for all, this ring will be waiting for you. But, on the off chance you decide your life is better with him, your best course of action would be to stay put darling. I don’t think my heart can take seeing you every day if you’re not with me.”</p><p>He turned and walked away with his shoulders hunched. She cursed herself then, thinking she could have handled it better. All Negan wanted to hear was “Yes”, but she couldn’t give that to him honestly; not when she was so uncertain about her future with Rick. It felt like the end however, and Negan’s proposal felt like a new beginning. </p><p>As her old home of Alexandria came into sight, she had to pause before driving any further. She really didn’t know what she was going to do or say once she walked behind those gates. For a second, she glimpsed her passionate night of lovemaking with Negan. She could practically feel his kisses and the warmth of his skin, touching her body as he expressed his love physically for her. The man was fast to fall in love, and he showed that he was growing into more than a monster. Despite that, there was still more growing the man needed to do. She couldn’t imagine ever convincing him to drop his Savior ways of holding the communities under his thumb, but she could imagine him developing further than where he was now. She could help him. If she stayed by his side, perhaps it would happen naturally. Negan was surrounded by people, many who preferred the more aggressive and bloody way to survive. Negan has shifted from the bloodthirsty life over the years, but what would keep him from returning to it if she wasn’t there?<br/>
She stopped herself as she settled on the thought. It wasn’t her that determined what kind of man Negan was. It was his choice to be who he wanted to be. Negan would be Negan with or without her, and right now she loved who she came to know. But one question still remained. Did she still love Rick Grimes?</p><p>With a shuddering breath, she drove forward.</p><p>A man on guard opened the gates when he recognized her, and from there Michonne was reintroduced to the decaying community that was once a bright and beautiful home. She sighed with the thought of how much it would take to have it model the Sanctuary. It couldn’t be too late to makes such changes. She just needed more hands and supplies. But the one that could help them the most was…<br/>
Her heart seemed to stop at the sight of Rick in the near distance. As she brought the car to a stop, Rick also stopped in his journey toward her. Her heart practically stopped as she sat there and took him in, feeling herself to be in shock.</p><p>Aside from looking grayer and more disheveled than usual, he was pretty much the same as she’d left him. Moving as though she were in a dream, she slowly exited the car while not taking her eyes off of him. His expression crumbled to relief as he hurried toward her. Now her heart was thumping hard as reminders of her time with Negan threatened to slip through. </p><p>“Michonne.” </p><p>The sound of her name coming from a broken voice spurred a torrent of emotions from her. Tears were streaming down her face just as they were on his. And when he crashed into her, she felt herself fall back into being an Alexandrian; she was back to being Rick’s as her arms automatically wrapped around him.</p><p>“I’m okay, I’m okay,” she assured him.</p><p>“I was starting to think I’d never see you again.”</p><p>“Me too,” she said weakly.</p><p>A smile of relief and love donned his face as he wiped away her tears before kissing her. It wasn’t the same as when Negan pressed his lips against hers, and she scolded herself for briefly comparing the two.</p><p>“Are you okay?” His eyes searched hers desperately as he clung to her. It was apparent he needed some sign that Negan had hurt her to explain her prolonged absence, because it wouldn’t make sense that she’d stay away for so long unharmed.</p><p>“I’m okay,” she assured him as she gently took ahold of his hands. “He didn’t hurt me. And he didn’t toss me in a cell if that’s what you were worried about.”</p><p>Rick was slow to give a nod before turning to the car expectantly. Her stomach, which was already not quite present, dropped all over again.</p><p>“Where is he? W-where’s…Carl?”</p><p>With a deep sigh and a dropped head, she partially confessed.</p><p>“I couldn’t get him.” She started to add that she had tried, but it became a question of whether or not that was really true. It was her goal from the beginning, but in the end it became more about Negan. “I’m, sorry.”</p><p>Rick looked to be at a loss for words as he stumbled back with a face that became grayer. All his hopes had been tied to reuniting with his son again, an in an instant she had crushed them. Her eyes began to water all over again just as the tears began to fall onto his cheeks once more.</p><p>She moved toward him and pulled him against her. His fingers dug into her with a desperate kind of clinginess as he tried to hold back a sob.</p><p>“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry Rick.”</p><p>It wouldn’t matter how long he needed her to hold him. Right now she would do it for as long as he needed. And to her relief, Negan didn’t plague her mind as she comforted her lover.</p><p> </p><p>“Did he, explain why?” Rick forced himself to ask. “Did you…get anywhere at all with him?”</p><p>Rick was currently hunched on the couch in the living room while she bounced Judith happily on her knee across from him. How she missed that sweet little smiling face of hers. It was almost like a breath of fresh air in the fog of depression that threatened to settle over her now that she was back in her home. She pulled Judith against her as she acknowledged him seriously.</p><p>“I like to think I got somewhere with him. That I got more out of the conversation we had.” She dropped her eyes as she thought about it carefully. “It’s just that he feels—”</p><p> “I think I get it,” he interrupted. He rubbed his hands together as if to give himself a boost of strength to continue. “I didn’t really listen to him the first time we talked, but while you were gone, I’ve had all this time to think back on it. Things aren’t the same. Not in Alexandria, and not between us.” There was a moment of fear as she briefly thought his use of “us” was referring to their own romantic relationship. “And from Carl’s perspective, they never will be again. Negan’s giving him and the rest of my people something I can’t seem to give them anymore. The kind of strength and protection they need to stay safe and happy with me.”</p><p>“Rick. We can all talk together. It doesn’t have to be too late,” she said desperately. “And the same goes for Alexandria. We can still save it.”</p><p>“I need to save myself first,” he admitted with a sense of shame. “I won’t be able to be there for Carl or the people, so long as I’m like this, but, I don’t know if I can go back to how I was. I just…don’t know what to do. What I do know is that I need what’s best for my children.”</p><p>His eyes locked onto their daughter still in her arms. The subject at hand brought her back to her plan of taking Judith away from him, and knowing how important it was for his children to receive only the best, she believed it wouldn’t be hard to convince him to follow her plan. Still, she held off on bringing up the idea on her first day back.</p><p>“I need that too Rick.”</p><p>“Was he at least, happy?”</p><p>The question caught her off guard, and honestly she didn’t feel right about answering it. But he needed to know the state of his son for his own peace of mind.</p><p>“From my time with him, he was fine. He was safe, and healthy.”</p><p>“And happy?” he pressed.</p><p>“I’m, not sure there’s a right way to answer that,” she replied after some hesitation. She removed Judith from her knee and placed her on her play mat on the floor. “I…”</p><p>“It’s okay Michonne,” Rick said gently, eyes softening as he looked at her. “I can see it in your face. You don’t want to hurt me. I understand. He wouldn’t be there if he wasn’t. Even though he’s with…” He shut his eyes for a moment and his face crumbled as though he were in physical pain. “I’m at least…grateful that he’s at peace. I wouldn’t want him suffering at the Sanctuary. I wouldn’t want that for anyone else living there.”</p><p>She leaned forward in her seat, staring him dead in the eyes.</p><p>“He’ll come home Rick. One day, I know he will.”</p><p>It took a minute, but he gave a nod even though she could tell he didn’t believe her. She rose to her feet and settled next to him. Carl was still an ongoing question, but it wasn’t the only one. Rick was still lost in thoughts of his son, and while he was occupied with that relationship, her mind suggested Negan. Rick gave no warmth as she sat next to him, which only seemed to confirm that it really was over; that their relationship died the minute she walked out the door set for the Sanctuary. She saw Negan looking back at her, touching her softly and filling her with life in his bed.</p><p>“I came to the Sanctuary,” Rick quietly admitted. His tired looking eyes were set on Judith. “I asked to see you after you’d been gone for two weeks. Negan drove me off. He made it sound like, you were taking an interest in staying there.”</p><p>Michonne swallowed before making an attempt to answer. She wouldn’t be surprised if he could hear the pounding of her heart.</p><p>“He made a deal with me. I had to stay there for a month, if I wanted to see Carl. In that time, I tried earning his trust. I did chores, I checked in on our people. I did what I thought I needed to, to get our son back.”</p><p>He studied her face a little longer as her heartbeat only seemed to pick up.</p><p>“It was longer. I didn’t know if, something had gone wrong.” He reached for her hand and squeezed it hard, more so to assure himself that she was really with him and well. </p><p>“I know.” She cupped her other hand on top of his. “I’m sorry I worried you. This took longer than I thought it would, and in the end I couldn’t even succeed.”</p><p>“What matters is that you’re alright.” A grateful smile appeared on his face, and his blue eyes shined with adoration. How long she had waited to see that sign of spirit in him. “I don’t know what I would’ve done if Negan had done anything to you. Please…tell me he didn’t do anything to you.”</p><p>There was the pleading look in his eyes again. The look that was begging her to confess to Negan wronging her in some way. Her heart was in her throat as she stared back at him, wondering how he couldn’t already see the truth. Maybe in some strange way he did. Maybe he already caught wind of what had transpired, and he was waiting for her to confess to having had sex with Negan. Her bottom lip moved, but she made no sound. How could she tell him that she had sought their enemy out because she was lonely for the touches, and the kisses, and a physical show of affection that she no longer had with him. She had brought home bad news in concerns to Carl. Telling him something worse now would surely blow him over. </p><p>Despite her heart telling her to do what was right, her mind drove her in another direction.</p><p>“He didn’t hurt me.” </p><p>She couldn’t look at him after that. It was a half-truth, because it hadn’t been pain she’d experienced that night. And as it came to her mind, her body seemed to long for more of what Negan had given her. That in turn sickened her so badly that she had to move away from Rick. She couldn’t sit next to him when she was feeling that way. It wasn’t right. She folded her arms around herself as she made for the window, moving with a pace similar to the dead.</p><p>“Good,” Rick replied gratefully.</p><p>There was silence for a moment as she focused on looking outside. How she wished she could will it away easily. But she couldn’t. The damage was done, and she had lied to the man who still loved her. She betrayed his trust, and there was no taking it back.</p><p>“We can’t go back to the way things were, can we,” she asked in a broken voice.</p><p>“What do you mean?”</p><p>She turned to him as she forced herself to hold in the mix of shame and despair.</p><p>“I mean, us.” It was time to address their broken relationship in some way. “Ever since Negan…we’ve grown apart. I never wanted to see it but, now that I’m back, I think we should…”</p><p>She paused when Rick got to his feet and made his way toward her. She felt a flutter of fear from the idea that he might have caught onto her. But he wasn’t scowling.</p><p>“You and I, are fine,” he promised assuredly as she brought his arms around her waist. “It’s…it’s been hard, I know, but, you and I will make it through. I know we will. We won’t let Negan tear us apart. He can’t.”</p><p>He closed in after placing a kiss on her lips. Michonne’s eyes fluttered closed as her soul sunk right into the floor. The only thing keeping her upright was Rick’s body. There was pleasure in feeling him pressed against her again, but at the same time, it was dulled.</p><p> </p><p>As Rick slept in a somewhat peaceful state in their bed, tears poured heavily down Michonne’s cheeks. She had locked herself in the bathroom before she had come undone, unable to sleep from the mounting guilt. Before she knew it she was sobbing hard over the sink.</p><p>She wasn’t sure what she thought would happen when she returned home. She wasn’t even sure what she wanted other than for everything to go back to the way they were before Negan came along and complicated things. Rick had flatly promised that he wouldn’t tear them apart, and she couldn’t tell if he really believed that, or if he felt he just needed to reassure her. She wasn’t convinced that he believed they were fine. It was just easier to state it and move on. Maybe he thought looking at the problem too closely would make the horrible reality sink in at a time when he just couldn’t face it. If they just kept pretending at little longer, then they wouldn’t have to get hurt. His focus could remain on his people if things were fine at home. And his thoughts could shift to his son.</p><p>Pretending got one only so far. It never worked in the long run and it certainly wasn’t healthy. She wiped at her eyes as she took in her reflection. She had been pretending in this situation for too long, and now she was attempting to keep it going by keeping her silence on the truth. How could she go day by day with Rick, lying to him and herself? How could she kiss and hold him without thinking of Negan from time to time?</p><p>She released a shuttering breath as she looked at the closed door and thought of the man on the other side. The strong, soul warming feelings of love she once had for Rick had lost much of its strength. She still cared greatly for him, which was why she had to be honest. Rick deserved to know the truth. He deserved to know that she had betrayed his feelings. Whatever happened after, frightened her, but she was willing to face it. If he allowed her to, she hoped she’d be able to help Alexandria. She hoped he’d allow her to help Judith in the best way possible.</p><p>She bowed her head as her sobbing came to a close, with the understanding that their relationship was really over. Carl had been right. She really wouldn’t be returning home. When the time was right, she saw herself heading back up to the Sanctuary where Negan was waiting with a ring. Whether she accepted right away or not, Negan had her heart, and he wasn’t letting go of it.</p><p>She grabbed a towel and wiped her face before heading back to the room. Silently she slipped back into her place beside him in the bed, and faced him on her side. Tomorrow everything would change forever between them, but this night, she would pretend one last time that everything was fine and that she was still in love with Rick Grimes.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I've had that ending of Michonne in the bathroom realizing she'd be going back to Negan in mind from the start. Things weren't quite meant to get fully resolved in this story. Furthering Michonne and Negan's relationship is something I had in mind for a potential sequel. For now, I may be working on other matters in TWD, but writing and reading Michonne/Negan fics has been a nice change from the usual pairings. Thanks for reading.</p>
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